Men should be rejecting the "good man" or defender role and refusing to take responsibility for "all men"
I'm talking about the discourse surrounding some recently discovered telegram chats (and accompanying misinformation, which should be corrected), but also more generally:
The Man does not exist. There is no set of "all men". My penis does not make me responsible for other men, because I am a singular subject. Feminists are enacting a great deal of symbolic violence on men, which comes down the hardest on those of us who have been graped and those of us who have been falsely accused.
I think if you do the right thing at this particular point in time, you're likely to be considered a bad man. That, to me, is preferable to being "one of the good ones".
I think it's also pretty clear that this logic or framework where women are victims to be rescued, defended, possessed, won, etc. and men are split into defenders and victimizers---this logic itself grounds the social reality in which sexual violence takes place, and I refuse to be complicit in it. There's also something to be said about the way this "victim logic" feeds into racism, antisemitism, and homophobia. I am not a good grape victim or a good man or a good anything. I do not exist to defend women or make women feel comfortable or make women think I'm one of the good ones. My penis is not an excuse to treat me any differently than you would treat a woman (whatever that would mean).