Back in 2009, my mother signed an Advance Care Directive stating she did not want a feeding tube. A year ago she asked if I would help to legally change her paperwork to include, amongst many things, that she did not want her Healthcare Proxy, my brother, to make decisions about the feeding tube.
My brother is Trustee, he has POA over everything, and interfered. My mother kinda got scared and decided to leave everything as is, realizing how much power she’d given him.
Now, she’s had a massive stroke and has a feeding tube and still cannot swallow. There’s a meeting today, which I just found out about through a nurse, to discuss her prognosis, treatment, and end of life.
If I submit this paperwork, which is her handwriting over the original documents, it could set in motion a pause in decisions, maybe an ethics review, etc.
My dilemma- worst case I submit the paperwork and somehow we arrive at leaving in the feeding tube and she has poor quality of life in a hospital bed for who knows how long. Other worst case, I say nothing and the feeding tube is removed and she dies without her wishes being properly explored.
I feel morally compelled to speak up for my mother even though this paperwork is not legally binding and my brother controls the outcome and has sidelined me many times.
Currently my mother has been in the hospital with little change. She’s out of the ICU but cannot speak well, is delirious sometimes, has no use of her left side and cannot swallow.
Any kind replies are welcome.