board games are mostly for people who can't just hang out and talk to each other like normal human beings
yes they can be fun sometimes (I guess) but most of the contemporary ones have overly complicated rules
yes I am voicing some opinions rn in this very sub, perhaps I am in a particular type of mood
this post is dedicated to my ex who liked board games and watching Hasan Piker
hiking edition! who knows, maybe ill post more. hiking and being in nature has made me feel singularly beautiful. i like to really push my body by walking that little bit more it’s like a runners high, only im traversing the countryside <3 mwah
please read to me and hold up the book if you truly love me, hold my other hand (or breast)
all I want lately
i was talking about this with a friend not too long ago, about the places we feel most beautiful in. sometimes being in beautiful surroundings make us feel beautiful, upscale bars, museums, places of great architectural importance. being surrounded by beautiful people helps too. i think this is all a little man made for my taste, sometimes i feel the most present, and stunning in nature. i want to know what you think and where, or what makes you feel beautiful
This is ani (short for ani bunny bc when I got her, she had giant ears and rabbit feet). The foster parent had named her “Amy” for some reason, which she was very responsive to, so I found a cute rhyme as a name that was close enough. She was a rescue cat and her mother was only a five months old kitten, which is quite sad. I had not realized they could give birth so young. Ani seemed to largely be ignored and was very malnourished when she was rescued as a kitten. We bonded immediately when I first went to go and meet her.
Now, she’s just turned six! I’ve had her since sept 2020.
She is super cuddly and loving, and always sleeps against me in my bed. She still kneads a lot, and loves to sleep like a baby against my chest too. She also likes to hold my finger in her paw, and finds that comforting, I assume. I take her for little walks on the patio sometimes. She’s an indoor cat otherwise, quite small for an adult as she was the runt of her litter and easily gets scared - she reacts to every sound and often tries to hide under the bed or couch, which can be quite common for rescues re: easily triggered. She lives a pretty good life now though, and is quite happy/healthy.
Ani’s early start to life was rough outside of being a neglected street cat - she had FIP when she was seven months old, and at the time it was very hard to find treatment / it wasn’t entirely legal in Canada yet, so my vet wasn’t able to offer it. FIP is 100% fatal if not treated. I managed to procure the meds from China through other cat owners and dealers, lmao. She had to get injections daily for months, but she fully recovered. I’m so glad she hadn’t had any major health issues since. Since 2021 they’ve fully legalized the med to treat FIP, luckily!
Let’s cat post, share your cats!
I know people usually find dream retelling to be boring but discussing the genre or whatever of dreams is really interesting to me. A coworker of mine always has abstract neon colored dreams. I almost always have realistic stressful dreams, very often in my dreams I’m so exhausted that I’m collapsing while trying to do something I need to do or arguing with my mother. I feel so boring ! I hear about sci-fi dreams or fantasy worlds. Dreams where you see loved ones you’ve lost. Once there was suddenly a narrator in a dream I had who gave some background information on a dream character I was talking to. Some people dream in black and white. Is it first person or third for you? I feel like mine go between the two. How do you dream?
Took this one a few days ago at the beach. Lately my mind is a mess and overall I need to take care of mind, body, spirit better. Higher pain too. At least I’m going to Europe in less than a week now - off to London, Edinburgh, various parts of Serbia, and a month in France! Found this cap at a local consignment shop I love recently
i have been recuperating currently in the fallout of many a break up in the highlands, and the other day i hiked around ten miles, i thought it was eight before i checked my map, and ate a burger for dinner at a roadside cafe. at one point i took refuge in a largely abandoned church. it’s been really healing for the soul. let me hear about your walks recently <3
People are often surprised when I tell them I don’t want any biological kids I only want to adopt. When they ask why I usually reply with a half-truth about how the world would be a better place if more people adopted. But the more honest reason is I don’t want to pass my genes into someone else.
Mental illness isn’t an Olympic Sport, you don’t get a medal for being the most ill person but I know that on the spectrum of depression I’ve lived almost my entire life on the extreme end even people who suffer from the condition don’t experience. The first time I thought about taking my own life I was 10. From 16-25 I spent nearly everyday experiencing either severe or life threatening levels of depression. I’m 28 now and yes I’m doing a lot better but still I don’t want to risk passing off my genetics to someone else. I’m so afraid that they’ll have to endure the same pain I did and I don’t want to be the source of that.
I rewatch this scene often cause I’ve never been able to relate this particular emotion to any other piece of art before or since.
Almost forgot. Here’s my new dress I’ve been wearing lately / took this pic yesterday. Second pic is from my bike ride today, first of the year ☀️
I cannot concentrate on stealing time from my employer to read as planned because this episode recalled some things about my early life up to now.
Occasionally shuddering. I can barely write this. My mind keeps wandering. Remembering.
This has been happening to me my whole life. Repeatedly. Started when I was a kid. Other kids, adults. Should never have happened.
Old memories pouring in. I wish I could be more clear, but it's hard to verbalize it. Trauma resists discursive elaboration. It's the unutterable.
Sorry. I usually try to express myself in a way that makes a kind of sense, even if that's some kind of attempt at the poetic. I don't know what I'm doing right now. I think I just want to say something. Therapist said sit with it, that maybe I'm moving too fast.
I like the pace, but I can't understand ontology right now, and that's what I want to be understanding. Maybe this is all a failed intellectual defense by a dissociative nervous system.
sorry. this is self-indulgent. I'm crashing out, but slowly and with a nice breeze. I think I just want it seen, maybe known, if the above can contribute to any kind of viable knowing.
I enjoy the podcast.
tldr stalked since I was a kid, recently realized, and feeling unusually foggy (for me)
edit: just checked the rules, sorry if I'm fucking up the vibe
cornfed american
young man wants to be artist
but life costs money
I’m about to go to Europe for two months, starting in a few days!! Going to several countries. I’ll still be podcasting here and there and also online in the sub/discord, but want to spend a lot of time taking in art and enjoying all the beauty around me. I won’t be working at all so it will also be a good opportunity to read a lot more / write, though I’ll largely be exploring
What is everyone else up to lately?
slightly chubby, little tits, ruddy and day drinking
I was in a rugged zone for a few days. The terrain was puzzling. I found these questions over there:
Is trauma foundational?
Are we inherently built by an implicitly teleological attempt to restore a foundational loss? Are the circumstances of that attempt (opaque) inherently tied to that loss, and thus inherently barred from conscious recognition?
Is the subject fucked beyond repair, and if so, are we deterministically set to comedically move toward restoration of that which must remain broken if we're to be human subjects at all? (No escape.)
Can we reject the command to solve the problem and live in the rift, smooth it into a fold in an unbroken topology? (Fold forms an overhanging shelter, enclosing site of production.)
These questions are not begging for an answer. They are marbles rolling on a recently subducted surface.