is this relatable to anyone
not entirely sure i’ve got pppd but this is my second round of “it”, whatever it is, and i wanted to see if my symptoms lined up with anyone else’s here:
basically it feels as if thinking of any kind is causing my brain to ache? not in the sense of mental exhaustion but more that my neurons (or whatever) have had to physically push through cement soaked cotton wool in order to execute any kind of cognitive process.
i love writing but at the moment it gives me this pressurised, achey, confused, overwhelmed head feeling that makes me want to close my eyes and abstain from all sensory input. i read sentences and they just … garble. and sort of hurt me. and my eyes glitch over the page as if trying to focus on just one sentence is somehow triggering them to jump all over the place.
my head and eyes also start to feel glitchy (?) and overly light sensitive (and this is hard to explain because it’s not a tangible difference in vision, but more a sensation that feels a bit like when your phone camera can’t decide on an exposure and flickers between massively overexposed and pitch black). it basically ends with me just wanting to shut my eyes because they’re almost stinging from the effort of absorbing something so complex.
it just feels like a huge effort to use my brain? especially so when looking at a screen, or writing of any kind. everything feels so raw and foggy and crap.
obviously i’m dizzy too, but currently the cognitive issues are more irritating for me because i’m on bed rest and if i don’t move around i can more or less tolerate the wobbly on-a-boat feeling. also - and i don’t know if this strikes a chord with anyone here but - the dizziness seems to sort of thud with my heartbeat if that makes sense? kind of like my heart is making my whole body do a tiny lolling motion with every beat.
idk. my head just feels like fucking glue and i’m also feeling really weak and floppy (which i think is due to over exercise which is what caused my last flare) so i can’t really do anything but lie here lamenting the fact that i can’t walk, can’t write, can’t think, can’t watch tv, can barely even hold a conversation without wanting to throw something across the room due to sensory overwhelm. if there’s music playing and the window is open and someone is talking to me (or even just eating food) it feels like i’m going to have a meltdown. i am autistic so this isn’t unprecedented but ohhh my god, the sensory stuff has never ever been this bad before.
anyway, sorry for the long post. just hoping someone can relate to some of this because i’m scared, and i’m not able to walk or use my brain or write things when a few days ago i could do all of these things perfectly adequately. i’m absolutely miserable and so frustrated that this has kicked in right before summer