Hello all. I’ll try and make this brief as possible with a wee bit of background. I’m a 27 year old lad who’s had Tourette’s syndrome since 7 years old. My tics were mostly vocal in nature with minor motor such as blinking and clenching my hands on objects I was holding.
In 2023, I developed coprolalia and it’s an understatement to describe how tough and drastically they changed my life. I was decently popular and a social butterfly with a first response job, to becoming someone who now cannot get out of his head when just existing in quiet spaces or publics buildings. I have been through an ongoing legal battle with my employer for a year and 3 months because they refuse to obey ADA laws and apply accommodations and have a similar story to many other individuals with TS, whose parents told them to shut up. I’ve never met another person with TS until this year and it’s been virtual. -I hope this is enough to describe you what a portion of damage has been done and where I’m at mentally-
Right now, I am sitting in the car outside of the ER while my wife is waiting for the ultrasound results for my 2 month old daughter. There’s something causing her to have projectile vomiting. I feel like smashing my head against the waiting rooms walls due to the unbearable anxiety and inability to feel like I can freely express my tics because they had been building up so much and my god they can be loud.
My partner is doing the best she can to understand but I feel like a failure. I feel like I don’t belong in public spaces or quiet ones no matter how many times I try to force the mantra “I belong here” down my throat. I hate when people stare and hate sticking out which is a very British sentiment I was raised with.
I haven’t seen how others exist with TS in public with verbal tics like me and I’m struggling. I feel like a bad father and partner because I’m on the verge of breakdown sometimes. I just need advice, answers, anything inspiring change within because I cannot find it.
What do you all do? What do you do when you’re sitting in an official building and your “n-word” tic is trying to claw its way out or your owl hoots are aching to be released?