r/housingcrisis

I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Urban Planning, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on exclusionary zoning boards, and I have over 300 confirmed ribbon-cutting ceremonies.

I am trained in mixed-use development and I’m the top excavator operator in the entire federal-private partnership task force. You are nothing to me but just another dilapidated parking lot. I will wipe your single-family setbacks out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words.

You think you can get away with saying that "neighborhood character" shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak, I am contacting my secret network of civil engineers across the USA and your property line is being surveyed right now so you better prepare for the density, maggot. The density that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your "historical view." You’re fucking housed, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can build over seven hundred affordable housing units in just one afternoon, and that’s just with my bare hands and a tax credit.

Not only am I extensively trained in high-rise construction, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Department of Housing and Urban Development and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable sprawl off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment about parking requirements was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue.

But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit 10 million units all over you and you will drown in them.

You know what? Keep it up. Just keep it up and I’ll add another **50,000 new homes in Georgia** and **10,000 in Rhode Island** by lunch. You want to complain about the noise? That’s another **5,000 units in your backyard**, prefab, installed by Tuesday. I’ll turn your cul-de-sac into a transit-oriented development before you can finish your morning coffee.

You’re fucking gentrified, kiddo.