r/baseballcirclejerk

[Gary, Indiana]

On a normal Friday Dykstra Elementary School (DES) would be full of smiling faces ready for the weekend and bellies full of delicious square pizza with a cheese that tasted somewhat of cardboard, but kind of a delicious cardboard. However, last Friday was not at all normal.

"We didn't get no pizza," said Derick Stewsburry (12), a student at DES. "It's friggin Friday, I'm thinking all day 'here comes the pizza' but it friggin doesn't" he added.

Beth Kinglsey, head lunchlady, had a simple explanation: "Barbara forgot to order the pizza." You see, Barbara (87) had been doing the inventory for the school since Beth was a student at the school. However, due to a medical emergency Barbara accidentally ordered all nine seasons of Matlock on VHS, confusing it with pizza. "It happens, mistakes like these happen," added Kinglsey.

But mistake or not, the students were not feeling stuffed but rather quite burnt with the crusty error. "So basically I started yelling at that there friggin lunch lady," Derick said, pointing to Beth off-camera, "and I was like 'sell. the. team" quietly at first you knows, and then like really loud, like listen how loud I can scream, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

When asked about his inspiration, Derick told us it comes from his time as head mod at r/baseball, "it's a forum for the people who is the really good uh intelligents when it comes to baseball" he explained before offering advice on how Judge isn't actually good.

The chant took off and soon nearly every kid at DES was screaming the same.

"I didn't even know we had a team," said Vice Principal Stewart Hobbesian. "We kept asking, 'what team? what team?' but they didn't know either."

While local SWAT were eventually able to put down the minor's uprising, questions are still being asked on how to avoid this in the future. For now, VP Hobbesian is putting that job up to the ol' trustworthy lunchlady Barbara.

Wow imagine thinking they'd be able to upset the giga-delayed dodgers in 2026, what a collapse of "The Eminent Dynasty"