Specifically the ones that will pay for a woman's travel out of state to receive reproductive healthcare.. I think we should name them here in their honor and thank them for being so pro women's rights. I'll go ahead and start the list, Tesla..
Can you guys name any more that you know of?
Y’all, I literally cannot make this stuff up! 😩 So, I was just serving this total random guy at Chili’s and things got weird fast. He ordered two Frosty Margs (which, lowkey, are kind of a lot to chug back-to-back, but whatever). And then, out of nowhere, he starts chugging them like it's a competition!
But wait, it gets better. He then runs to the bathroom, he’s in there for 45 min doing god know what. And before I can even process what is happening, he's bolting out the door with warm mayo all over his face! He totally skipped out on his $40 tab!
I'm like, really dude? You're going to pull this on a Chili's? I mean, I know their Margs are good, but still.
Has anyone seen this guy? I literally have a picture of him coming out of the men’s room with mayo all over his face. I'm screaming! 💀
...it was a hell of a day
Austin is soooo iconic. What an amazing city, I think I really captured the vibe 🤪 so many generous, forward-thinking here.
I woke up alone this morning in an apartment off Tinnin Ford 😳 and I can’t for the life of me remember how I got here. I showered at some point cuz my hair is all wet, so it must’ve been a crazy night! Can’t wait to come back!
Okay guys…I have an embarrassing little problem. I can’t stop queefing in yoga class. Do any of you have this issue and how do you make happen more often? I’ve never been asked out as much as I have since my man hole started flirting with the hotties in yoga class!🦄🏳️🌈
Let’s be real the incel problem in this city is reaching astronomical levels, and something needs to be done before it hits a breaking point. That is why the Incel Token Program (ITP) is the only logical answer.
But we aren't just handing these out for free. This is a Token Based Meritocracy. If you want to get laid on the city's dime, you have to contribute to saving the "soul & democracy of Austin."
How to Earn Your "Incel Credits"
The city will issue physical tokens featuring a 6-point star logo. You fill your token baggy by completing essential community service tasks across the city:
• 1 Token: Picking up trash along I-35 while wearing an Antifa or BLM shirt.
• 3 Tokens: Volunteering for a full shift at a homeless shelter (must remain civil the entire time).
• 5 Tokens: Participating in a "No Kings" rally (Bonus tokens awarded if you punch a Nazi).
• 10 Tokens: Blocking traffic on MoPac to fight against climate change and car pollution.
•20 Tokens: Volunteering to clean the bathroom at the Chili’s on 45th and Lamar.
And once you get some tokens you can come on down to the Travis County Democratic Headquarters for redemption
The Token Redemption Menu
10 Tokens – Ball Busting Session: An appointment with one of the top professional dominatrixes in Austin. (Includes a 3 token rebate if you can last the whole 2 hours)
15 Tokens – The Cuckold Session: You get to sit in the corner of a luxury condo and watch a guy who works at Tesla go hammer mode with a girl of your choice.
30 Tokens – A real BJ: Receive a high-quality "blowy" from a city contracted professional of a randomly selected gender.
The ITP system is a foolproof way to fix the incel problem while finally getting the trash picked up.
Let me know if you guys have any other experiences you’d like to see added to the Token Redemption Menu!
Anyone try this pizza just off downtown Austin?
Really, is there anyone outside of Kash Patel whose funnier these days?
looking for tattooers in austin who are willing to tattoo below the waist, and wondering how much more expensive it’d be in comparison to tattoos around other parts of the body.
open to ideas but am somewhat set on a traditional spider web around the groin/pelvis.
Some memorable memories from your favorite faves!
For Colette Austin there is a new policy. No free lube anymore. Only tubs of Crisco. First tub is $100 then refills are free.
Even better, the moderator in the ATX Colette Sub deleted my post and forced me to lock my wiener in a cock cage and forced me to send him picture.