r/ThisCheatingOrWhat

My (F33) husband (M34) (together 11 years, married 6 months) has recently told me he doesn’t want our life anymore and wants to move out and not be together. This came on extremely suddenly after a couple weeks of him being distant and hard to communicate with.

We’ve been doing a short term long distance situation for his work, but the plan was always for him to come back to our jointly owned home. He just accepted a job to come home, but at the same time is saying he doesn’t want the relationship and wants to make his own decisions.

I’ve tried to communicate and work through things together, but he refuses to work with me and just says it's too late. He says he’s hates our life and doesn't want any of the goals we set. He was just doing it because I wanted them. When I ask what it is he wants he says he doesn't know.

He also admitted to meeting someone on his move home at a bar and they had been talking. He said it wasn't serious which seemed like a crazy thing to say considering they had met while he was literally in transit, moving back home. He said nothing physical happened but he did extend his stay in that city by 2 nights.

I feel stuck in limbo and I can not understand what changed so quickly. Has anyone been through something like this? How did you handle it, especially when the other person can’t give a clear answer to what the actual problem is or what they want.

I (26F) am a professional musician. My boyfriend (24M) is also a professional musician and we’ve been together over 5 years. We have known our friend (25M) for almost 3 years and toured the country together multiple times.

My friend and I are the main calls for a working band we are in, and my boyfriend only subs, so me and my friend are on all the gigs and my boyfriend is on about 1/3rd of them.

I’ve become more close with my friend than my boyfriend has, and we both play in each other’s bands and he calls me for a ton of gigs in Los Angeles. We see each other multiple times a month for rehearsals and gigs, text almost every day, and occasionally hang outside of work either by ourselves or in a group.

His MO is sex jokes (like many young men), but last October, something shifted and he started directing them at me, or about me, or just generally HEAVILY flirting with me, even in front of my boyfriend.

We just got off a cruise ship gig, where he literally was crossing the “touch” barrier (footsie, getting super close, pillow fight, etc.) and complimenting me under his breath (“you look like cleopatra”) and, of course, sex jokes.

He’s also gone as far as sending me his room number and telling me “the ball’s in your court,” and when I didn’t show up, told me the next day I “blue balled” him. Yep, not kidding.

I hate to say, but I’ve actually been enjoying the banter, so I’m not really offended. I haven’t asked him to stop either because like I said, it’s fun.

He’s also been pretty chivalrous, helping me with my luggage, down the stairs, holding things, offering to drive me places, etc.

My boyfriend is clueless about stuff like that and isn’t really the “boyfriend” or chivalrous type, so my friend often steps in and he doesn’t even notice. Lots to unpack but just trying to keep it real.

Did I mention my friend is engaged to his GF of six years as of this past February? Very messy, I know.

I’m not even necessarily looking for “what to do next” as I don’t even know what I want from this. Would I date him? Maybe. Would I be down to just have sexual banter forever? Maybe. Should we stop? Probably. Is it fun? Absolutely.

Anyone have any similar experiences? Am I his work wife or is something else going on?

I kept telling myself to stay calm and not think too much about it. But the feeling didn’t go away.

The doubt stayed with me, and it slowly took my peace. I knew I needed the truth so I could finally be sure.

Reaching out wasn’t easy, but the conversation felt calm and professional. No pressure, no empty promises, just clear and honest communication.

Everything was handled quietly and exactly as explained. Getting the truth gave me the clarity I needed.

If you’re dealing with the same kind of doubt, reach out to him. He’s professional and he truly came through for me.

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