r/ThirdCultureKids

Previously I made a post asking you guys where would you settle down, however I wanted to ask you all how has navigating dating and relationships been for you.

I recently reflected back on my dating relationships and noticed that I essentially had to hide a lot of my backstory early on with the person, just because they wouldn't understand and that it would complicate things even more. Only until I felt that this person was serious relationship material, where I would fully elaborate my backstory. Some relationships I had in the past were so short that I didn't even tell them about my backstory, all they know about me is where I currently live.

I sometimes find myself in this paradox where I feel like the reason why I can't find someone compatible is because I cannot be fully genuine without overwhelming the person.

For perspective, I live in North America. Wonder how is dating like for you TCK's in different parts of the world.

Theres always a saying where people go "its better to stay with your own kind", I feel that with us TCK's.

Curious to hear you guy's stories!

Most of my friends growing up were some shade of Brown and loved Drake. He has adopted Hispanic, Arab, UK/Jamaican, and African American personas to varying degrees. I feel like this is a no-contest proposition.

I'm in my forties and much of the people who raised me or knew me are passing away. They are all overseas and now I live in an environment that doesn't have any of my culture. I have elementary age kids and they ask me about my childhood and it got me thinking about everything I miss. (We live in my spouse's home country. It's easy for him to find references to explain thing. Internet is great for showing snippets of mine too. BUT I so miss just talking without having to explain everything.)

What experience do you wish someone would just name out loud (from your childhood or your parents did that MADE your childhood) — without you having to explain it? how are you all handling that as older adults who's parents are out of the picture and siblings live far away?

I recently had a medical emergency. My partner said that while in pain, I was muttering in my “second” language, not my primary language.

When I get angry, I often revert to my third language, which cracks my kids up.

I dream in and often talk to myself in the language of my adopted country, even though I don’t currently live there.

It’s like linguistic confusion or something.

Anyone else?

I have lived in 4 countries (Kazakhstan, US, UK, Philippines) and I have lived first 11 years in Kazakhstan and then I moved abroad. Now I live in the US for 1.5 years now.

Lately I feel so awful about my identity because I can’t connect to people in my own country (Kazakhstan) because I don’t understand some references and I am starting to forget the language but also I can’t connect with Americans as they are culturally different from me. It seems like I can’t connect with anyone. I am told that I am too foreign for my country and too foreign in US. I feel like I belong no where. It frustrates me so much that I am thinking maybe I should settle down somewhere after 9 years of nomadic lifestyle which I do like but also led to this.

Pls help. Should I delve deeper into my culture or try to find belonging in the US? What should I do? I know I should embrace my unique identity but I just want to feel at home somewhere.