Hey everyone this is a little long and I don't know if it's even allowed here but I'm looking for some advice from the awesome parents out there.
A little back story here to help you understand my issue...I'm the father of 3 kids my oldest son is 11 and I am* his step father but his actual dad isn't in the picture at all in any way and has never been. So I'm dad and I love that. I met him and his mother when he was like 7 months old.. and I decided that I loved them both to no end and wanted to further our relationship and commit to it. My wife and I ended up getting married and had 2 beautiful girls as well and we've been together for 11 years now.
I obviously have had a hand in raising him.. I've always loved him like he was my own and he comes off as a pretty decent kid to most people but.. he's mean to his friends, he talks back to his mom and I, he's extremely disrespectful,.doesn't listen to us, he's way to rough with his younger sisters, he lies about honestly a lot of things including school work, he refuses to do the easiest chores (he has 2 chores, feed the dogs and load/ unload the dishwasher) it's a huge fight every time and no one sees any of this but us.
I've tried everything but nothing works. We take electronics away and ground him but zero change. It's been like 3 years of this now. Myself at that age.. I was beaten with a wooden spoon if I acted how he acts. I'm not going to do that to my kids.
My wife has at times conveyed that she felt like I didn't love him like my own son because of how angry he makes me when he's being disrespectful to my wife and myself and I tell her that I would react the same way regardless even if he was my biological son.. I think obviously she's very protective of him for obvious and very reasonable reasons but I truly treat him as I would with any of my children. It definitely hurts to hear her say that but I know that she is just being protective and that is completely understandable.
Anyways if anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it. I don't have anyone else to ask. Thanks reddit.