r/ParentingInBulk

3 or 4 by 35, whatever happens; is what i told myself.

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I was over the absolute moon with my 2,4 and 6.

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Time was coming where we were trying to figure if we wanted that last try for a 4th or not. We got pregnant the first try! [I posted a couple weeks back on this]

My feelings were more mixed then I expected and I didnt know why;like i didnt deserve 4 healthy babies, it was so good to be true. Week 6 or so i allowed myself to be excited and got excited indeed but still felt a little uncertain. At 9 weeks, our baby got its wings,oof...not how I planned this to go.

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We were on the fence as is. The babe would have been born on Jan, and I turn 35 in May so was perfect. Now ill have to wait sometime and will likely already have turned 35.

I also am not one for huge age gaps.

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I know many people have kids over 35 but again this is just what ive wanted to do. Idk im just so torn over it all and didnt think itd go this way. Idk if i want to do it all again. I had an earlier on miscarriage between my 2nd and 3rd but this one was much different.

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I guess im just posting here to see if anyone has treaded similar waters.

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Like a family of 5 is still considered big right and can be extremely happy, where all the kids do get along im sure.

I’m a 14 year old that babysits my experience is from my siblings, I have 8 siblings and I’m with them daily. Would love to babysit, my parents are ok with it as they know I’m good at it if needed I would love to get the parents trust first then babysit their baby/kid. Any age to babysit. In the UK

I’m looking for an option that combines the best of both worlds or is in the middle ground between a double jogging stroller and a Wonderfold W4 wagon. It would need all-terrain tires for old, bumpy sidewalks and a recline feature.

We will need 3 dedicated seats (not a jump seat or rider board), with a fourth seat being nice but not needed all the time.

I’m conflicted, because on one hand we really could use the space and features provided by a Wonderfold W4, but I’m worried I’ll avoid using it due to the size and bulk.

We have been trying out a Jeep wagon but my kids hate it because of the straight back and lack of footwell. It only has two seats so it wouldn’t work anyway.

The Zoe strollers with 3 seats have tires that are great for a mall, but not practical for bumpy sidewalks.

I’m also very interested in being talked in to the Wonderfold if anyone wants to weigh in!

Hi everyone, just want to say I love this sub so much! I appreciate the positive takes on raising large families.

We just had our second baby a few months ago, with a 21 month age gap, and are hoping for 4-5 kids total for our family. I want to have a 2.5-3 year gap before our next kid, but my biggest fear with building our family is handling pregnancy with more children who need me. I really struggle with the lethargy and limitations of pregnancy. I am so grateful we don't have issues getting pregnant, and I love that we have two beautiful children. I'm just nervous I won't have enough to give my kids with each subsequent pregnancy.

So how do you all get through it? What does your family routine look like through each pregnancy? Presumably my kids will be playing together by the time we get pregnant again, will that make things easier? I'm also just in the trenches right now with our kiddos, so adding to this chaos feels like a huge challenge

Hi! A few days ago I posted about my 22 month old waking between 4:30-5:30am and how nothing has helped. I’m kind of just accepting this reality now. My question is, does anyone deal with siblings who share rooms where one gets up extremely early? How does that work? They are not currently sharing but the plan is that once my 22 month old is starting to try climbing out of the crib (probably soon), she will go to her big girl bed and start sharing a room with her sister.

My older daughter, her sister, is 3 and really values her sleep. If she doesn’t get woken by her sister, she sleeps 7:30-6:30/7 everyday. I really would like to have them start sharing a room but I also don’t know if I can if my younger daughter is waking so early, because I really don’t want them both up at 4:30am.

How does this work? Does anyone have experience with one sibling who wakes at the first sign of morning and another who just sleeps thru the early waking?

Hi,

I always wanted two children, my husband three. However, since my second was born, it happens more and more often that I want another baby. Today my second is 2 years and 4 months old and I think I'm ready to try another one but I'm paralyzed I'm too afraid that it's not the right decision for my family. I'm afraid of myself of my reactions, I know I can really panic at the idea of getting pregnant and at the same time every month I dream of being pregnant!! For those who had a third, did you really panic when you found out? I wonder if it's normal to feel so many ambivalent feelings. At the same time if I don't try I know I'll regret it all my life. By the way I just turned 38 so I can't wait too long...

what I want is to live a pregnancy in peace not by being overwhelmed panicked anxious... Has anyone been in my situation? If so, what did you do?

Hi friends, I need realistic mom opinions because my pregnancy nesting is acting up.

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Total list of current beds/frames

2x queen mattress

2x queen frames

1x twin XL mattress

2x twin XL frames

2x crib mattress

2x toddler beds (that use crib mattresses)

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We rent a 3 bedroom house. The master bedroom is huge, so large we fit two queen mattresses strapped together and me/hubby and our 4yo and EXTRA clingy 2yo all cosleep. I'm due with #3 end of September. We're going to bring the crib into the master too, there's more than enough room.

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One of the bedrooms my husband uses as an office, the other bedroom is kind of a spare bedroom. No bed in the office, twin bed in the spare.

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My 4yo has coslept with us since he was a year old and stopped sleeping in his crib. Same for my 2yo. We had one queen mattress strapped to the twin XL when it was only the 3 of us. When I got pregnant with my 2yo I bought my now 4yo a toddler bed so that he could sleep on his own. He did for all of one month then climbed back into our bed. We didn't fight it and gave in but kept the bed for *someday*.

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When my 2yo turned a year old we got a second queen mattress and let her get in bed with us. We put the twin XL mattress and frame in the spare bedroom for when we have family staying with us. That's what we've been doing for the last year.

Around Xmas time our family friend gifted us a nicer twin XL frame for free and a spiderman toddler bed. The new frame is taller than our queen one so they can't get strapped together and the old one went into the garage.

I went out and got another crib mattress and we tried having both toddler beds in the bedroom with us and practice them sleeping in their beds. The rule was they had to start in their beds but could join us in the middle of the night. This worked for maybe 2 months then their bed times stopped aligning and we did bedtimes in different rooms. My 4yo stopped sleeping in his toddler bed and my husband put him to sleep in the big bed. I would get the 2yo down and stick her in her toddler bed then around 1am she'd wake up to join us. We're back to doing bed time all together but the sleeping arrangement hasn't changed.

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My 4yo starts transitional Kindergarten in August. I want to protect his sleep and give him his own room. When we've talked about it before we brought up bunkbeds and he got excited about sleeping in a bunkbed. I know that doesn't mean he'll actually sleep in it, bunkbeds are exciting for any kid.

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My nesting urges want to set him up with his own room, maybe with bunkbeds, but we have so many beds currently and tbh hell probably just want to sleep in our massive bed like he's done for almost 3 years.

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My brain won't let it go tho. I'm looking at bunkbeds every night. I've picked out five different models that have stairs (instead of a ladder) and a slide. I've looked at house beds that maybe we put in the master bedroom so he has his own space but still is near us. I've thought about putting him in the new twin frame and skipping the toddler bed all together.

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I know it isn't logical to spend money on new beds when we have so many that aren't getting used. My nesting brain won't let this go though. My husband doesn't care. I need opinions.

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Help.

I'm looking for some outside perspective because my husband and I are struggling with a housing decision.

We're a family of 5 with kids ages 12, 7, and 3. We currently live in our starter home that we bought in 2016. It's about 1,400 sq ft with 3 bedrooms and 2 full baths. The layout is great, we've made a lot of interior upgrades over the years, and I genuinely love our house.

Financially, it's hard to beat. Our mortgage payment is only $780/month, we owe about $88k, and the house is worth at least $250k. We also have a 3.5% interest rate that I hate the thought of giving up. My husband earns about $190k per year, and I stay home with our 3-year-old, so we have the income to afford a larger house. However, because our housing costs are so low, we're able to save a significant amount of money each month and live very comfortably.

Our situation is that my 12-year-old son has his own small bedroom, while our 7- and 3-year-old daughters share a room. We don't have a basement, but we do have a large front yard and backyard.
My husband wants to move to a larger home. We could afford it, but I keep coming back to the fact that we'd be trading a very comfortable financial situation for more house.

The biggest thing weighing on me is the kids. I worry that I'm limiting them by keeping them in a smaller home. My son is getting older, and I wonder if he'll want friends over more often. Sometimes I feel like I'm the one avoiding having people over because our house is much smaller than many of our friends' homes. I grew up in a 5,000+ sq ft house, and my parents still live there, so I know part of me is comparing our situation to what I grew up with.
At the same time, I truly love our home. We could potentially add an addition in the future if we needed more space, but my husband would rather move than renovate.

For those who have older kids or have been in a similar situation:
Did your kids care about the size of your house?
Did staying in a smaller home help your family financially in ways that were worth it?
If you moved to a bigger house, was it worth the extra cost?
Would you stay put, add on later, or move?

I feel torn between wanting to maximize our family's financial future and wanting to give my kids the space and lifestyle that a larger home might provide. Sometimes I wonder if I'm holding onto a great financial situation, or if I'm letting my own attachment to the house keep us from making a move that would benefit our family.

Have 2 kids, 6 and 1, and considering another. We have solid income for where we live and so many great activities are free because of the advantages of big city life. Considering adding one more but I wonder if it will feel so chaotic when they’re all older, or if it will be extra fun? Right now it sounds awesome.

I also think I want them to have more social connections, because we actually don’t have a ton of family here. So by adding another they may have more support as adults. Or this a delusion? I know it’s a crap-shoot if they actually get along or not but at least by adult hood siblings usually connect again.

Any parents of teens in cities with 3+ in here can share wisdom?

My 6-year-old let his toddler brother play with him this week and I’m still kind of shocked about it.

Usually it goes the same way every time. My toddler sees whatever his brother is doing and immediately wants in. My older kid immediately does not want him in. Then somebody grabs something, somebody yells, and I end up refereeing.

The funny part is that my older kid came up with the solution himself. He was playing on our magnetic wall board and had built some elaborate setup with roads and animals. Then my toddler wandered over and started reaching for pieces. Normally that’s where everything falls apart.

Instead, my older kid pointed at a giraffe and said, “Can you put this by the trees?” Then a minute later: “Okay, now move this car over here.” He was talking to him like a very serious manager.

But for whatever reason, this worked. My toddler looked excited to be included. My older kid got to stay in charge of his game. Nobody argued. It only lasted about 15 minutes before the toddler got distracted by something random, but honestly 15 peaceful minutes of both kids doing the same activity feels absurdly long around here.

Anyway, that's it. No big parenting insight. I was just weirdly proud watching my older kid figure out a way to include his brother without me stepping in and suggesting it first.

I am currently pregnant with #5, this baby was planned and desired, but so far no one besides us is excited for it. No congratulations, excitement...nothing. Just negativity about all the work, chaos, laundry etc. I know that not everyone is meant to have large families, or others may be facing fertility issues. But is this type of reaction normal once you have a certain number of kids?

With more than one child at home, I’m finding screen time isn’t just about setting rules it’s about keeping everything balanced across different ages, moods, and schedules at the same time. What works for one child doesn’t always work for another, and it often turns into constant adjustments throughout the day rather than one clear rule that sticks. Even when we agree on limits, it still ends up feeling like someone is always either waiting their turn, asking for more time, or feeling like it’s unfair compared to the others. I’ve tried a few different approaches, but nothing really stays consistent for long before things shift again.

How are other parents handling this in larger households without it turning into a daily negotiation?

Bear with me as this may be long but I desperately need some advice or neutral outside opinions. Iv just found out I’m 4w pregnant with baby number 7. In December I had a very early termination which I regretted deeply despite it being the ‘right’ decision. From a realistic, practical, logical perspective there is absolutely no reason for me to have another child. Yet my heart and soul screamed that it was wrong. I willed this ‘accident’ to happen. I wanted another chance, a redo, I didn’t want my memory of my last pregnancy to be that. Now that it’s really happening I’m full of panic. I definitely cannot go through another termination I swore I would never do it again. I thought getting pregnant would make me feel better but the guilt is even worse. I realise how utterly irresponsible and selfish I am. I feel so guilty for this little life inside me that I created for all the wrong reasons. I haven’t even told my partner, he’s aware my period is late but doesn’t know Iv done a test. He doesn’t want more. Oh what have I done

My husband and I are car seat shopping for our 4th baby. We will have 2 under 2, along with a 5yr old and 9yr old. I drive an SUV that has captains chairs in the middle row and a bench in the 3rd row. My plan is to put the baby and toddler in the middle, and have the older two in the back. The problem is that currently with my toddler being rear facing, they aren’t able to use that door at all to get in and out of the vehicle (the car seat is blocking it). I’m concerned as to how, once both doors are blocked by rear facing car seats, my older two are supposed to be able to get in and out of the vehicle?

I was wondering if I get a rotating car seat for the toddler (such as the Graco 360), will this create enough room for my older kids to get in and out of the vehicle (and use that door) when the car seat is rotated sideways? Otherwise, how are kids getting in and out of that 3rd row past the carseats? The trunk lol?

Hello everyone!

Since before we got married, my husband always said he wanted 7 kids. I told him before I would like 5, but we could talk about it once we reach that number.

We live far away from family and have no support system. Like 0, nothing. It is always my husband and I. We do have friends and stuff but we would only asl them to babysit in case of emergencies (like a few months ago when I needed to go to the ER).

We already have 3, and my husband was excited to have a 4. Recently though, he started to say that 3 is enough lol. He says we have no support system, which is true, and that he feels exhausted, and I feel too, but I feel like the tiredness is worth it and tbh we have a pretty good routine and things are going smoothly. It made me kinda disappointed, not gonna lie. Has this happened to anyone here? How did you approach it? I absolutely wont ever try to convince him to have a 4th, if he thinks he reached his peak I dont want us not raising the kids to our full potential, but I also kinda feel sad that this last baby was my last and I didn't know it!!

For reference, I have an almost 5yo, almost 4yo, and a 16mo. We were planning on trying but I had a miscarriage, and we decided to wait in a few months, which would possibly put us at 6yo, 5yo, 2.5yo, newborn.

If your first 4 were 3 of one gender and 1 of the other (GBGG, BGGG, GBBB, etc.), what was your 5th child?

I’ve noticed that most families I know who started with a 3:1 gender split ended up with a 4:1 split after baby #5, rather than balancing things out a bit to 3:2. Obviously it’s all random, but now I’m curious whether that’s actually common or if it’s just my own anecdotal observation.

What was your birth order/gender lineup?

I recently found out I’m pregnant with what would be our fourth child. this was a surprise and candidly the result of failed birth control.

we live in the north east and already are kind of outliers among our peers and family by having three. I recognize four would put us on the smaller side of “in bulk” but Ive been browsing here and it seems many have been in this same boat.

essentially I’m trying to figure out how we’ll share the news with our families, who I expect won’t be very supportive. particularly I expect my parents to be worried or even judgemental that we’re spreading ourselves too thin as it relates to our other three kiddos.

if you felt similarly about sharing the news, how did it go? Any tips?

i know a good bit of the advice here would probably relate to just caring less what our families think— and I’ll work on that— but besides that I’m struggling with even how to bring it up or share or what to say. it’s getting harder and harder to hide even in first tri as this is my fifth pregnancy in 6 years.

I don’t want to frame as a mistake (I feel that’s so harsh and could ultimately eventually get back to my child). It also makes us look like doofuses I think. But also it feels hard not to acknowledge that this will be shocking and questioned by those closest to us.

We both work full time. our incomes can support our existing family and the growing one, but in either scenario, without many “extras.” For example we live in a fixer upper in more of an up and coming area, no housekeeper, etc. and I think that ties back to judgement I expect to hear (something along lines that like we could have given our kids a better school district if we had less kids).

im just really not loving the feeling of dreading telling people. I am myself adjusting and beginning to look hopefully onto next steps and the new baby. And I hope I’m “all the way there” by the time the jig is up.

That’s all. I’m pregnant with our 3rd and I need all of the advice. What should I have for this baby? My two toddlers? Me? My husband?

When baby is born, my oldest will be a 4y3m and middle will be 2y3m.

I don’t know the gender yet but my two toddlers are boys.

I just found out on Friday that I am unexpectedly pregnant with my 4th. I have a 6 month old, and a 4 and 5 year old. My heart wants this baby but logically I don’t know if my family can handle it financially. I am so stressed.