r/MentalHealthArt

Charcoal and chalk, Isaac P

I have a very strange manifestation of OCD in terms of one of my coping rituals. It has led to homelessness, ruined relationships, failed friendships, and isolation. As I’ve started to understand myself and grown closer to those who love me, I’ve been able to show myself more compassion.

I drew this because recently I’ve been going through a bit of a bad patch. Ultimately, due to my OCD, even though I genuinely have everything I could ever want right now — which may not seem like much to others, but means everything to me — I still cannot be at rest. Every hour and activity in my life is dictated by the laws my OCD enforces, its stupid rules. I think I experienced psychosis as when I was drawing this I had been up for 37 hours straight, my fight or flight response was not stop. One image represents OCDs grip on me and the other represents the journey I feel I face, linear and crowded yet lonely, paranoid of who to trust and who to let really know the true me.

The feeling of having no choice in what I actually do for myself is so tiring. I also suffer from depersonalization, but I believe that onset is due to the lack of control I used to feel I had in my life because of my OCD.