r/GrowthMindset

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I lost myself trying to keep her.

That's the brutal honest truth.

I changed who I was.

I stopped doing things I loved.

I made her my entire world.

I gave her all my power.

And the worst part? She still left.

Because you can't keep someone by losing yourself.

You can only keep someone by being yourself.

But I didn't know that then.

I thought if I just tried harder. If I just changed enough. If I just loved her more.

She'd stay.

So I kept adjusting. Keep compromising. Keep shrinking.

Until there was nothing left of me.

Just a shell going through the motions.

And when she left anyway, I didn't just lose her.

I lost myself.

Then one day, sitting alone, I remembered something:

I was fine before her.

Actually, I was more than fine. I was good.

I had hobbies. I had friends. I had dreams. I had purpose.

I was whole.

And somewhere in trying to keep her, I forgot that.

I forgot that my worth doesn't come from her.

My happiness doesn't depend on her.

My identity isn't defined by her.

I was complete before she showed up.

And I'm complete now that she's gone.

Here's what I learned:

You can't build a healthy relationship on a foundation of losing yourself.

You can only build it on a foundation of knowing yourself.

When you know who you are, you don't need someone to complete you.

You want someone to walk beside you.

There's a massive difference.

One comes from neediness. The other comes from wholeness.

So if you're in that place right now where you've lost yourself trying to keep someone

Remember this:

You were fine before them.

You are fine after them.

The sooner you remember that, the sooner you become unstoppable.

Don't look for the next person to complete you.

Complete yourself first.

Find yourself again. Become who you were meant to be.

Then when someone comes along, you're not losing yourself in them.

You're choosing to build something with them.

And that's real love. Not desperation. Not dependency.

Just two whole people choosing each other.

That's worth waiting for.

So reclaim yourself. Right now.

Drop a comment: What part of yourself do you need to reclaim today?

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I had zero drive to do anything, dealing with constant brain fog and this feeling being stressed despite doing nothing. I assumed everyone was this tired / foggy, 24/7. I decided to get my Test checked and the result was 278 ng/dL, which is normal for males age around 80. So I went down the self-improvement rabbit hole on how to boost your test.

Stuff that helped:

Stop smoking:

Pretty obvious, but weed and nicotine crash your hormones. Nicotine tightens your blood vessels (bad for flow) and weed raises estrogen/cortisol. Stopping smoking is the hardest thing I've ever done, and even a year later, I sometimes have the urge to light one.

Water Fasting

My gut was destroyed, from all the junk I ate and from smoking multiple times per day for years. So at the 2nd month on my journey I decided to do a 7 day water fasting to repair my gut. This was so incredibly difficult at the beginning. But after 3 days the hunger vanished and I felt so much clearer in my head and thoughts.

After that I switched for drinks mainly to water, started meal prepping, and stuck to a strict sleep schedule, started tracking everything every day. I started eating 3-4 whole eggs a day, red meat, avocados, and butter. If you eat low fat, your body has no raw material to produce T.

I did some more tests and found out that I was I was deficient in everything. Zinc (important for keeping T from converting to estrogen), Magnesium(helped with sleep and recovery) and D3 (if you don't get sun your Test level sinks)

Lifting heavy heavy triggers the nervous system to release more testosterone:

I did full body workout 3x times per week; Squatting and Deadlifting.

What didn't work:

Overpriced "Alpha" Test Boosters: Spent way too much money on generic blends from GNC. They did absolutely nothing.

I tried random stuff like icing my balls and weird breathing techniques. Complete waste.

My current life:

Energy is crazy. I have actual mental clarity and feel way more calm throughout the day.

But don't get me wrong, my life is still far from perfect. Even though i went from almost suicidal to actually enjoying life, I'm still not where I want to be. I already had a receding hairline with my low testosterone, but now it really sped up a lot so I'm currently working on fighting that. I also used to be insecure about the loose skin, but now I view it as reminder looking at the lazy version I once was. Also there are still many days I feel mentally exhausted with crippling anxiety. The important thing is to never give up yourself, no matter what.

Most people wait to feel ready.

They want the full plan…

the perfect moment…

the clear direction…

That’s why they stay stuck.

Clarity doesn’t come before you start—

it comes because you start.

Take the first step

Learn as you go

Adjust on the way

The path reveals itself in motion.

Stop waiting to feel ready.

Start—and figure it out on the mov