r/ChildSupport4Men

is there any place you can find these men?

i honestly don’t know what to do anymore. i’m a single dad trying to keep everything together for my child while the other parent barely helps but constantly demands money from me. i’m already covering all of the responsibilities on my own, and it feels like I’m drowning financially and emotionally. i would appreciate any advice from anyone who’s been through this. how do you handle a situation where you’re doing your best, but it still feels impossible to keep up?

Hi all. I’m an alienated parent and could use some perspective from others who have been through high-conflict post-divorce dynamics.

I have not had a meaningful relationship with my child for several years, despite having a court order that still gives me parenting time and joint legal custody. The situation became much worse after my child reached the pre-teen/teen years, and the other parent has generally framed the estrangement as my child’s “choice,” even though I believe the other parent has played a major role in shaping the situation.

I have continued paying child support consistently, even though I have not been able to see or speak with my child in any normal way. I recently lost my job for business reasons and am actively looking for work. I am considering filing for a downward modification because I genuinely cannot keep paying the current amount while unemployed.

My concern is retaliation.

The other parent has a history of escalating when they feel criticized, exposed, or out of control. There have been past accusations against me that I believe were false or exaggerated, including claims involving alleged digital/privacy issues that did not appear to be supported by the actual records I later obtained. I worry that filing a support modification will trigger another round of accusations, attempts to portray me as unsafe or unstable, or efforts to further damage my relationship with my child.

Complicating things, the other parent recently experienced a major family loss. I sent a brief condolence message, and the response was an accusation that my knowing about the death proved I had accessed a private account, even though the obituary was publicly posted online. That reaction really shook me, because it reminded me how quickly a benign action can be reframed as something threatening.

So I’m trying to think strategically.

For those of you who have filed for support modification in a high-conflict alienation situation:

Did the other parent retaliate?

Did filing make the alienation worse?

Were there ways you protected yourself in advance?

Did you keep the modification issue strictly financial, or did you also raise interference with parenting time/contact?

Is there anything you wish you had documented before filing?

I’m not looking to punish anyone or create more conflict. I’m trying to survive financially while continuing to act responsibly and avoid giving the other parent more material to use against me.

Any hard-earned advice would be appreciated.

I believe my ex keeps reporting false employment claims. I’ve gotten so many letters from child support saying I’m working at jobs I’m not. They investigate and they always find that I’m not working at these places. Just found out bm can report I work anywhere all the time… even though I’m unemployed right now.

Has this happened to anyone else?

So I have been married for just over 10 years. My wife began withholding affection from me about 2-3 years in. She insisted on engaging in swinger activities, which I begrudging agreed to. After doing this, she continued to withhold affection and began verbally/emotionally abusing me on a daily basis. This went on for about 5 years. During that five year time, I engaged in an affair that she found out about. I slept with one person exactly one time and had a handful of exploit conversations with them afterward which ultimately didn’t lead to anything else physical. She found out by going though my phone and took screenshots. I don’t if she still has the screenshots of the conversations but that’s all the evidence she has. After this she decided to stop withholding affection and I thought we had fixed the marriage. However, about a year ago I was away from home for work and she began me reason to suspect that she was either having an affair with someone else or was thinking of kidnapping my children to another country or possibly abandoning them. She stated her intention to all three things to me over the phone. In addition to this, she provided me with completely unprompted verbal permission for us to have an open marriage until I returned home. Because of this I made a dating profile and tried to engage with someone but never ended up meeting them. This person contacted her and sent screenshots but all those screenshots can prove is that I was interested in seeing them, not that I actually had seen them. I came back home and it seems nothing had changed. Our marriage was great during this time. Then suddenly in December she started acting cold towards me again. In January she asked to not engage in intimacy anymore. Then about three weeks ago I went through her phone and found a lot of evidence of her having her own affair which o found out was going on since early December. I took videos of the messages using my phone and also sent myself screenshots of contacts, Apple Maps locations, location history, and financial transactions proving the affair. I sent all of these to myself. Now I had already offered her to let me keep the house but allow me to move out and continue paying all the bills in exchange for 51/49 joint custody, which is me offering her $2,500-2,800/month. This is in addition to my agreement to continue paying for everything for the kids. My financial will indicate that I have basically nothing left at the end of the month. She makes about $4,000-4,400/month, I make roughly $5,000. She suddenly got mad about something and decided to start demanding alimony. I know she doesn’t have the money to pay that many billable hours to an attorney and I don’t either. My question is this:
1.) does she have the right to request alimony (legally)?
2.) how much money could the court realistically go up to if it’s granted to her?
3.) how likely is her attorney to advise her to take the deal because it she will be better off with my proposal than she will with alimony?
4.) is there a way for me to request to pay alimony in the form of paying specific bills on time every month?
5.) how does this entire topic affect child custody discussions?
Location: Hinesville, GA

Hi, I’m a female but this feels like more of the subreddit I need. This is a vent/asking for help. My fiancé’s ex girlfriend recently took my partner into court for child support (conveniently around the time we got engaged 🙄) prior we had no issues. Provided money whenever asked and spent weekends with the child when asked (for reasons, I’ll get into later in this post.) we decided to take the high road, provided paystubs and expense reports and everything. She got in front of the judge and said she does not work, has not worked in over a year and has no intentions to start working and the judge ordered us to pay the maximum in our state, back pay from when she filed, as well as pay for private health insurance for her. This feels extremely excessive and vindictive especially when she makes more money than us. My partners ex is a very popular OnlyFans model and full out porn star. Her income is hard to prove as she only does “contract” work and when we asked the judge if her income could “actually” be looked into the judge just said “well, she said she was unemployed” but she’s REALLY NOT!! I truly feel like this is a petty way to dip into our wedding fund which is extremely annoying because anytime she wants to go “collab” with someone or work in a brothel for months on end she would drop A off with us and suddenly, she’s asked for a police escort to her car because she’s “scared of us”. My question is what should we do? We kinda are debating split custody however, I think she’s creating a narrative that he’s violent now (which could not be further from the truth) so it’ll be harder to get split custody and I’m unsure if I even want to do that if her mother is poisoning A’s thoughts on me and her father. I’m thinking we should get a lawyer about possibly getting it reduced but would that even be worth it if she won’t ever prove her income?