Satire: Sick kids visit Houston Astros at hospital to cheer them up
HOUSTON, Tex. — Kids with cancer visited all of the injured Houston Astros at Houston Methodist Hospital.
In a reversal of roles and fortunes, sick and some terminally ill kids visited all of the Astros on the injured list to take pictures and tell them to keep fighting and share messages of hope and faith. It was a flip of fortunes from when the Astros visited sick kids knocking on death’s door in the hospital in the off season just last year.
“I thought I was going to lose my hair to the chemo, but I just pulled it all out during that first series against the Rockies,” said 7 year old cancer patient Bobby Machaud to OF Jake Meyers.
Just as the kids were visiting with RHP Cristian Javier, the kids were greeted with an extra surprise when IF Nick Allen showed up also seeking medical attention.
“Damn, they just keep coming in,” said Houston Methodist Head Nurse Anna Townsend about the number of Astros players she’s seen since just the beginning of the month.
Before singing songs to the injured Astros players and putting on a puppet show about the importance of taking your vitamins and eating vegetables, the kids were seen fluffing the pillow of OF Joey Loperfido and delivering a bouquet of flowers to IF Jeremy Peña.
“We ran out of get well cards when Cody Bolton came in,” 5 year old Susie Sanders battling leukemia said. “I just keep expecting Orbit to come in on a gurney any minute now.”
To help him better adjust to life in the U.S., the kids put on a little play for Tatsuya Imai explaining how there is no universal health care in Texas, and how he can read his first medical bill to see what he owes and what insurance didn’t cover.
“O is for out of pocket maximum,” little 4 year old Ty Gardner battling stage 3 cancer sang to Imai, Picher Ronel Blanco, and IF Zach Dezenzo.
Hospital staff had to correct the children when they got too excited after discovering a closet full of hospital gowns and mistakenly called it the mother load of new 2026 Astros home uniforms.
The show stopper the team really enjoyed was a song called “find out why with an MRI!” in which the children sang to the Astros about the wonders of modern medicine and why hope springs eternal.
“If Yordan or Paredes shows up here, we’re so fucked,” said Reverend and Senior Pastor Joe Smith of Houston Mighty Methodist Ministries who helped connect the sick kids with the injured Astros.
After visiting all of the Astros in the hospital, the kids who had the strength left and waited at Bush Airport for Taylor Trammel to arrive from Cleveland to officially welcome him home after he became the latest to be injured.
“Find out why with an MRI,” 11 year old Bailey Barnes born without legs belted out in song as the plane came to a stop at the gate.