Help me understand why EA forum hated my post on communication
I wrote the following post on EA forum recently and received -10 downvotes in the first 2 hours (including a few strong downvotes) but no one left any comment or used the "disagree" button. I took down the post for now. After re-reading it and the community guidelines several times, I'm still confused why it was downvoted so much. I'd appreciate any helpful feedback or speculations on why others hated it. Discourse on the actual content is welcomed as well.
Relationship EA: Why You Should Slide into DMs
Admittedly, the title is a bit of a clickbait, but now that I got your attention, why not stay for the discourse?
EA Global and several offshoot events are coming up in London in May. Of course, you’re excited to “connect with experts and peers to collaborate on projects and tackle global challenges” as per the official mission. If you’re reading this post, you don’t need me to convince you that community-building for EA causes is good. However, you may be dragging your feet on building other types of relationships during this conference and beyond, whether they are romantic, platonic, or even adversarial (debates can be incredibly useful for participants). I’m here to convince you that sliding into DMs is generally good for effective altruism.
I specified DMs because I think there are unique advantages to 1-1 interactions, which will be explained in each subsection corresponding to different types of connections. 1-1s don’t need to start as DMs, though I find DMs to be the most approachable because they’re lower-stakes and lower-effort than speaking in person.
Why talk to skeptics (and haters)
I’ve written before that EA has a branding problem and I fear the backlash against EA is stronger than ever, potentially due to the movement’s ties to AI labs and Silicon Valley, on top of the evergreen skepticism against longtermism and impartiality. Recently, I’ve heard several prominent media figures claiming Yudkowsky is actually “pro-AI” because he is “in bed with the Silicon Valley broligarchs.” Beyond AI, shrimp welfare is another common point-of-entry for EA haters. The shared thesis of the skeptics is that if one cares too much about non-humans, especially those in the far future, then one must be anti-human in the present day.
You may think this logical fallacy is so ridiculous that there is no point in engaging with the argument. This is one of the reasons EAs are wary of journalists, but hey, journalists can change their mind too. My anecdotal experience shows that Dylan (see previous link) is not an exception. In the past few months, I started DM’ing journalists and influencers when I saw them presenting false claims about EA and AI (safety). I was surprised that several of them replied back and even more surprised at the discussion outcome. I’m now in regular contact with one of them who not only added more nuance to their coverage on AI, but also started speaking on other issues EAs care about (e.g., resharing Lewis Bollard’s posts against the Farm Bill). Another person made a dedicated video pushing back on their own audience’s simplistic view on AI.
These people are by no means becoming EAs but what they say impacts how millions of people view the world. I believe raising public awareness and changing public opinions are important EA work that complements the technical progress most EAs focus on. EAs tend to shy away from the former which could severely bottleneck how much good we do. I think the key reason I was able to “influence the influencers” is that I reached out to them in private and in good faith (I shared more tips of talking to skeptics here). One of them actually told me I was the only person being nice amidst the sea of hate comments they received from the EA/AI safety/LessWrong communities. This may be an exaggeration but we can all aim to be better ambassadors for the movement.
Why talk to EA-adjacent people
These are folks who are not on this forum and may never take the 10% pledge, but they are sympathetic to the causes. They can provide funding, talent, and networks for selective EA projects despite not agreeing with everything EAs say or do. If EAs are like vegans, then these folks are like vegetarians (and let’s not make the mistake of some vegans in alienating vegetarians because vegetarians are not doing the most good).
1-1s with these folks help you find the specific common ground to build relationships from. I argue that befriending or dating them is one of the best ways to grow and incorporate more diversity into the movement. Drawing again from personal experience, my previously-meat-loving and probably-will-always-be-conservative-leaning partner (making them the 1% among the EA demographics) has turned vegetarian and donates to a variety of EA causes.
Why talk to other EAs
Besides movement-building, I think EAG conferences are probably one of the best ways for EAs to seek romance. If you’re a heterosexual woman, you enjoy a ~2.5x leverage in dating arbitrage because of the gender imbalance. Fear not if you’re on the other side as a heterosexual man — EA women are likely much less susceptible to the cringe culture and genuinely don’t care for looksmaxxing. This means you don’t need to mog in terms of looks/personality/status/money etc. to have a high success rate of striking up friendly conversations at EAG! In case you don't identify with the gender binary and/or have a non-hetero orientation, you're still in luck because several of these demographics are over-represented in the EA community compared to the general population (e.g., 0.5% of the responders to this UK census identified differently from their sex at birth vs. 5% of the responders to this EA survey identified outside of the gender binary — statistics on sexual orientation would prove my point on the dating pool better but we lack such data points for EA demographics).
In all seriousness, warm fuzzies matter too. Friendships and romantic relationships with other EAs cost almost nothing and can multiply both fuzzies and utilons.
Conclusion
London (and later in the year, New York) is full of interesting, smart, ambitious, hot, (and sometimes controversial) people at EAG or just on the streets, so you really shouldn’t need much convincing to talk to them. Go forth and slide into their DMs!