u/zestyskunk

(16 m) I've always supressed alot around ppl, especially adults due to trauma, but its starting to get really exhausting- its never been this bad as now. I most often can do it, but only if i really lock in and if im hyperaware of my whole body. But its so painful, and even worse when im stressing about it. I also get horrible headaches, cold flashes, and tic attacks later on. In general also just feel an inner irritation. I just wish i could stop thinking about my tics so much, so they arent that annoying, and that i can feel more comfortable around people.

If i do feel comfortable around people and not judged, i dont think about my tics at all. I still tic alot, but not as an endless feeling of exploding any second like when i supress. I feel so much better and confident when i can just tic whenever i need to, and not think or stress about it. Many people at the places i hang on know i have tourettes and understand it, so there really isnt any reason to supress this much.

But i still feel so horrible and ashamed, and fear if im faking or overthinking things to the point it becomes a reality. Im scared if people will think im weird if i suddenly start ticcing alot. I get lots of unsupressable motor tics when i focus on not blurting out stuff- and thats very often. So i look weird anyways 😭

Really wish i could just be myself and be free, and not let my tics control the entire me. (Did that rhyme?) anyways i really need tips, its really distressing me nowadays

im very good at supressing sometimes, and rn im at a camp with many people i dont know. i supress so much, especially now at night when im sleeping in a gymhall with many other people.

but i've noticed that if i try supressing tics for too long at a time, i get a quick hurtful "shock" or electric feeling in my head. its different from time to time, some are like a static feeling, and some literally feel like thunderstruck.

its very annoying and im not sure if thats like an inner tic in my head because i do get alot of motor/spasmic tics when i supress my vocal tics.

i dont know what causes this and what to do, because i feel like the absolute need to supress even tho i dont need to that much as im doing