Missing the 2nd child I never had - anyone further along in this journey have advice?
When my son got his diagnosis, we decided against a second kid. My husband was relieved (he is very likely on the spectrum, as is most of his family, so I don't think he enjoyed having an infant) but this was so hard for me. I've always wanted two kids and I wanted my son to have a person who was in his corner as they grew up together.
My son was born when I was 33: now I'm 40 and the pain of that "missing baby" has not abated. Sometimes I think about going solo and doing a last ditch IVF round but I know I won't. But I also can't picture living the rest of my life yearning for a child I never met and wondering about the sibling my son sometimes asks for. My parents are dead, I struggle to connect with my husband, and my family is so small now, so I feel very, very alone a lot of the time.
For all my worries and stress for him, my son feels like the only bright spot in my life and it naturally makes me wish I could have doubled that with a second kid. Nothing has really worked out the way I hoped - and in many cases, I've lived many of my greatest fears, including a life-shortening medical diagnosis - so I feel so ...sad about what isn't.
I know this isn't ASD parenting specific, but I think you folks probably understand the extra layer of difficulty that the diagnosis can lay on our lives, so I figured I'd ask here.
Was anyone in a similar situation and actually let go of this pain? Did the years passing make you realize you were fine with just having one? Did you go to therapy to get help with it?