u/trylathad78

“Listen, um, I gather you didn't pick up because you thought it was me. Consider this from this day forward. Thank you for uh my my father's day, but as of today, you're an orphan. you're an orphan. You don't have a mother, you don't have a father. You basically do not have parents anymore. Forget about us. live your own life. Do whatever the fuck you want to do with your life. Leave us the fuck alone. Don't bother with us anymore. Don't bother calling me. Don't bother anything. I will not pick up. Okay? So as of today, consider yourself an orphan, bury us, put us on the ground, consider us 6 feet under. You no longer have parents. I hope I make this perfectly clear to you. You are no longer loved or wanted. You are done. You are not, you are no longer our child. You have proven today that you have no feelings. For anyone but yourself. So you can go fuck yourself. You can go fuck everything of yourself. I don't care. I never wanna hear your fucking name again. Okay? You're delusional, if you think, that what you did today is in any way, shape or form, a happy Father's Day for me. You might as well, have not shown up, you're a fucking asshole. You, you know, you, you don't deserve shit from anyone, because all you do is give grief. So come this point forward. consider yourself an orphan, you no longer have a father or a mother. Okay? Understand that. Have a nice fucking life.”

Transcript from voicemail via iPhone.

------ Update (May 1st) -----

Wow. I didn't not expect this amount of engagement. I posted that before I went to bed and was floored by the kind words and support. Thank you. This has helped more than I can explain. Yesterday was a rough day, mother's day is just around the corner. I posted this out of anger and needed to vent to what I expected was a void. I'm happy I was wrong. I wish you all the best and hope my experience proves that you are not alone. I thought I was, until today. Respectfully - A dude on the internet.

------ Question Asked ------
-- "This sounds a bit extreme. What’s the story behind it, besides a dance that didn’t happen?" --

Here’s the best way I can explain it: My family went to a museum on Father’s Day (2016). I am usually stressed during these types of holidays because I tend to avoid spending long periods of time with my family. Before we went, I took a Xanax. It is something I am prescribed, but I rarely use it unless I am heading into a situation that I know may be difficult for me.

My wife was with me. We did not have a child yet. I was unusually quiet that day. Again, I was not used to taking Xanax, and that is typically how I react to it. I was not rude or agitated. I was just quiet and not as engaged as I normally might be. The museum visit itself was uneventful. I did not notice anything especially wrong with anyone’s demeanor, but with my family it can be difficult to gauge whether they are upset or why they are upset.

Afterward, we went to a Spanish restaurant. A salsa song came on, and my mother grabbed me to dance. I said "no." She was insistent and literally tried to pull me out of my chair. I do not remember if I was eating at the time, but honestly, it did not matter. I did not want to dance. No one else was dancing, and it would have felt awkward. I may have said “no” more assertively than I intended, but I do not remember exactly. Not enough to cause a scene at the very least.

My wife and I left early and went home. That night was the season finale of Game of Thrones, so I did not check my phone until it was over, around 10 p.m. When I finally picked up my phone, I saw that I had missed a call and had a voicemail from my father. That was the voicemail. My father left the message, but I know my mother encouraged it. I do not know for sure, but based on the family dynamic, I'm sure she was upset and that my father was reacting to her emotions and anger. In my experience, my father is not really allowed to have relationships that are not fully aligned with my mother’s feelings. My mother has often been the catalyst for these kinds of fights. Even though he left the message, I believe it was a joint effort.

This dynamic has existed for a long time. My sister absorbed a lot of this when she was younger and has followed the path my mother wanted for her. She had children young, got married young, and has stayed very close to my parents’ household and has lived with them her whole life. Since I was young, it has often felt like three against one. The family narrative has always been that my sister is the “good child” and I am the “bad one.” My mother has said opening and often that if I was born first, she would have never had a second child.

Now my sister is 40, married with children, and still living with my mother and father. I can see that her children are having a difficult time in that environment. They seem quietly aware of the chaos in the home. I try to be the cool uncle for them, and when they get older, I imagine they may come around more often as a way to get some space from it. But at the end of the day, I wish them well. I want them to be happy. But I was living in a fantasy. It will never change. I will not and can not change them or enlighten them of their behavior. It took me a long time to learn that.

The most recent disownment (2025) was over poop. Literal dog poop. My wife forgot to pick up dog poop from their yard. She may have done this a few times, but it was easier for them to blame me. From there, the conversation quickly turned into a rehashing of things I did as a teenager.

The boiling point came when I brought up a childhood trauma from when I was around 10 or 12. That incident changed how I saw my mother and made me understand the cruelty she was capable of. At the time, she accused my father of cheating on her. In reality, he had received a reply-all email that included a newspaper cartoon with a nude cartoon man in it. His female assistant was included in that email with his other co-workers. This was the 1990s, and I do not expect someone unfamiliar with email to fully understand what “reply all” meant. But she interpreted it as infidelity.

The last time I spoke to them, almost a year ago (2025), I brought up that incident as an example of her exaggerations, emotional instability, and abusive behavior. She tried to rewrite the story again, claiming it had been a handwritten note and a photo of a woman. Before we could even discuss it, my father became violent. All I heard over the phone was a loud, violent thump. My wife called my sister, and we later learned that my father had punched several holes in the wall. My sister told us he became upset because my mother was lying. In that moment, my mother finally exposed herself.

But it did not matter. She called my cell phone and told me I was trying to ruin our family. The last thing I told her was that she needed to get help. Then she hung up. We have not spoken since.