This is going to be a long ass paragraph, so uhh settle in i guess, ive been going through alot recently, and i felt like i wanted to post this somewhere as a few people have been asking me questions about what's going on, so here goes.
when i was about 14 i started posting myself on Instagram. i was getting bullied at school alot so it was a nice way to dissociate from all of that, by living a separate life online and meeting new people. some of those people would turn out to be way older than me, but i thought well if they r just my friend then its okay. but they started saying flirty stuff to me, but i wouldn't mind it because it made me feel like i can be liked after all, since school had my self confidence on the ground. overtime i started talking to more older men. not even considering the fact that they were pedophiles. i had an idea of what a pedophile looked like in my head, and since these guys didn't look like how i imagined, then i didn't think thats what they were. it didn't even cross my mind. most of them were 20-30 , so still quite young looking, and usually quite attractive. then some of them would talk about their "kinks" to me, i didn't know about any of that stuf then so they would tell me about it all. they would tell me that they are into ddlg(daddy dom little girl) id ask what that is and they would tell me "oh its what we basically do because im older than you" they gave me that very vague answer and from then on more guys would tell me thats their kink. when actually its not because it wasn't a roleplay. i WAS a little girl. fast foward to when i was 15 i met a boy online who was my age, we started dating for nearly 2 years but then he broke up with me , i started turning back to old habits and talking to guys online again. older guys, one day an anime account followed me, it was just filled with anime girls with a cute aesthetic, so i followed it back, the account started messaging me and i assumed it was a girl, not only from the cutesy aesthetic but also from the lingo they used and the way they texted . so i was in a lot of shock when i found out that the account was actually ran by a 28-29 year old man, since i had spoken to alot of older guys at this time i just kinda shrugged it off, the age difference didn't matter too much to me at this point. we would talk about different things, he told me his biggest anime crush was rin kokonoe from kodomo no jikan, i had never heard of the anime before as it is pretty old and quite niche, so i searched it up and found the character designs super cute, i guess u could say i started sorta larping it and started buying figures from the anime because i thought they looked cute, i then decided to cosplay as Rin kokonoe because i thought she looked super cute and fun to cosplay. i started posting myself cosplaying and gained alot of attraction, as u could probably guess. and probably not from the best audience. then i started seeing the 29 year old guys account getting exposed, i started looking into it and realised he would speak to alot of young girls. i blocked him and that was that with him, but abit after someone new started talking to me. a guy started following me , i saw his account and saw that he was a huge weeb like me so i followed him back , after a while of just being mutuals he finally decided to reply to my story and we began talking, we would mainly just talk about what animes we like, recommending animes to eachother, etc. he would flirt with me sometimes and i wasn't opposed to flirting back. the day we decided to match pfps was the day everyone assumed we were dating and things really exploded, people were calling me a pedophile for cosplaying as rin kokonoe as she was a Loli character, people were taking photos of me and editing them and saying i edit my pictures even though other people were the ones editing things. i wont lie at this time i was very insecure so i did use a ton of filters and would sometimes edit my insecurities, as many other young insecure teenage girls do i guess. i was super panicked by it all so i deleted everything and kept only a small account for a few close friends, but even people started harassing that. then i got sent a forum and saw that the guy i had been talking to was also getting exposed for sa'ing his sister allegedly. i deleted everything and it took me a long fucking time to recover, as time went on i started realising how fucking sick everything was. how dissapointed i was in myself, i became very anxious over everything, over time i started healing slowly, i started realising that yes i was wrong for cosplaying bad media, and speaking to people who i knew weren't good. but also i was young. easily influenced. and making bad decisions. a few nights ago a girl messaged me on Instagram saying we were friends in 2023 , i was confused of how she found me and asked her and she told me people were posting about me. she sent a link and people had brought back all of the old stuff, i was shaking and crying since this was such a traumatic time in my life and it was all coming back, in the morning a few people had messaged me saying they saw "alligations" about me. i have bad ptsd from this time in my life as i was just surrounded by bad people. but thank you for all the supportive people in my life, idk where id be without you. i know this rant doesn't have anything to do with tomoko but since i mainly post in this subreddit i feel like its nessisary so people see it
thank u