I used to be so bright
I used to be much more intelligent than I am today but due to this disorder + a decade long isolation (almost had no one to talk to on a day to day basis and no irl friends) I can only do a fraction of what I could do. It feels like a cycle that I’m falling deeper into as my condition progresses and results in me isolating more. My brain feels frozen in fear most of the time and it doesn’t help that I’m obsessively paranoid about most people so alongside the cognitive fog I’m also battling thoughts and fears of people wanting to hurt or abuse me. Im so stagnant now that if you asked me to describe something I’ve always been passionate about I can’t anymore without making some kind of mistake whether that be prose, stuttering, or outright forgetting what I was going to say. I’m a broken person and there’s no way to put me back together because the pieces have been forever lost or ground into dust from the constant beatings of what we call life