u/syncedupalligator

I’m 15m and have always thought anything to do with sex was gross including masturbation I have a desire to be an “innocent” person and I’ve stuck to that for years and never tried to masturbate but lately it’s been getting harder and harder and I don’t know what to do I did it once and felt completely broken afterwards and was depresssed for a few days and now I feel like I need to do it again but I’m scared of that happening again has anyone had an experience like this before?