Distanced from all 3 childhood friends due to orientation toward racial hierarchy
I spent chunks of childhood in Southern US with few Asians. Over the past year I've distanced from all 3 remaining friends from elementary. It caused a lot of spiraling. All 3 are caring in their own way but all very oriented toward 2000s Southern racial hierarchy, even though most have moved to another part of the US. I'm Asian female and have moved around a lot, both different regions in US and diff parts of Asia... so I just saw this specific racial hierarchy as subjective rather than a truth...
- White female friend who casually stated micro-aggressions about Asians looking alike, anime being for losers, "Asian culture is cool really?" while very supportive and present otherwise.
- Asian guy friend who would accuse me of chasing white ppl while also dating a white woman, saying racial stereotypes about various groups and being like "how about this white guy, he's very attractive".
- Asian female friend who also makes sweeping stereotypes about all Asians (incl women) being unattractive etc but narrates how she is exceptional and her friends are all European and ppl think she doesn't look Asian.
All 3 fit the characteristics of kind supportive friends but then at random moments, a rigid racial hierarchy gets imposed on everything. For the Asian friends, it's almost a nonstop fixation, like every other conversation is filtered through that lens.
Curious if others have gone through something like this, and how it feels? I still often revisit like "Is this salvageable? Could I have empathized more, am I a bad friend?" It's easier to walk away from obviously bleh connections but these are from 20+ years ago, the female friends being pretty continuous friendships. But life is short right, and my time and energy are valuable.
And I've even tried to have the conversation or hinted at it in various ways over the course of many months but it didn't land or was met with "You misunderstood but thanks"
Ofc I think racism still exists, but maybe it's partly that I feel like I've been in enough beach town 90%+ white groups where I didn't feel like it improved my life in any way, it was just fine. Maybe I am experiencing this dissonance bc I speed ran white proximity and found no gold at the end of the rainbow? So I end up debating this whole premise and unable to bridge the gaps in our realities?
