this is my first time posting anything on reddit so apologies if its a little clunky.
i took in a stray cat just a couple days ago. my girlfriend and i have seen him around for months and even fed him and offered shelter during a snow storm a few months back but only recently had the ability to bring him in the home. we have 2 other cats and i read up on strays and the best way for care for them when you first bring them in and a lot of things said to isolate at first. i have a garage that thankfully was equipped to handle a living being in it so i made him a little house and set up in there until we could take him to the vet on monday. even though i tried to not get attached (i am an anxious person by nature and tend to assume the worst so i wanted to attempt to prepare myself for anything) we fell in love with him so quickly. we named his cal (short for calcifer) because he was orange, loud, and loved to eat. we hung out with him in that garage for hours every day until the vet appointment. he was very brave and remained calm and friendly the entire time. he wasn’t too beat up other than clearly being on the losing side of some fights in the neighborhood. other than being an older tomcat, he seemed like he could come back home with us after all this. unfortunately, he was sick and the vet informed us it would be more humane to euthanize him. we stayed with him the whole time and requested his ashes back. despite doing everything i personally knew to do, the guilt and sadness is eating me alive. i feel so helpless. without realizing, i had already envisioned a whole life with this sweet baby. it feels so unfair that we didn’t get to have that with him. i’m so afraid of him being upset with us, no matter how unrealistic that sounds.
i’m not really sure how to end this. i’m not really sure what i am asking for with replies or comments. i guess i just wanted to speak about him and let him exist somewhere forever.