u/st4rzk1sses

I have no one to talk to about this properly, my family knows what I’m going through but I don’t know, I’ve been struggling so much and I’m not doing this for pity I just really don’t know what to do. I used to be so calm when praying, I’d still be anxious about things and overthink things but I’d move on, I wouldn’t let my overthinking and potential ocd, and I say potential because I haven’t been diagnosed but a professional said that she sees symptoms, but I wouldn’t let it effect my prayers but it’s gotten so bad. I started praying isha around 9pm, close to 10 and finished an hour after. I kept breaking the prayer because I’d say things out of frustration, not really loud but just frustrated and I’d break prayer and try to do it again. I accidentally hurt myself as well, and I know they say that flowing blood breaks wudu in the hanafi madhab, but the cut was so small and I didn’t know if flowing blood meant like flowing to the point where it stains another part of the skin? I didn’t do wudu again because I thought it might be okay due to how the blood was so tiny and so was the cut, and it didn’t flow to another part of my skin, but I was also so frustrated so I just put a bandage on but now I’m overthinking that my prayers isn’t valid.

I kept forgetting what step I’m on, I kept doing sujood sawh wrong cause I don’t know what to specifically do properly, I kept starting over and over again, until when I messed up for I don’t even know how many times, I got so frustrated that I just got up and just got so mad at myself? Just saying stuff to myself and just horrible things, and I feel horrible because I never thought I’d get like this again. Then I feel so guilty for how I started to get frustrated at Allah, and I feel so guilty for that and I’m so scared that he’s mad at me now, I prayed isha, sunnah, and witr, but it felt like I was doing it so mindlessly, like just so drained. I was reciting it quite low, and I got worried that I was mumbling so I kept repeating the phrase but I didn’t start the prayer again. In the Dua, I asked Allah for forgiveness but I feel like I wasn’t genuine at all. I don’t know if it’s because of just how frustrated I was with myself or how emotionally drained I got.

I don’t know what to do, and I really don’t want to feel like this, it’s horrible.

Edit: I feel really guilty for getting mad, like extremely guilty and I don’t want to continue being like this or be sinful or make Allah upset with me because I really do want to get better. I’m not sure what to do, I don’t want it to be kufr or anything, and I heard that doing things like this can leave a person out of the fold of Islam and I don’t know what to do.

I’ve been trying to get better at being a better Muslim, with prayers and everything, but I keep getting frustrated with myself because it’s like everything I do isn’t correct or it’s wrong in one way or another. I’m worried because I feel like I’m not genuine in prayers, or I get anxious while praying, and all I do is cry, I cry so much during prayers because I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I just want to get better. I’ve repented for all my sins and I always do at times even after repenting for them a lot but I still feel like there’s more things that I have to do, or certain things, but I get too shy and nervous to say it in a post because I don’t want to expose my sins or anything, but I don’t know if I have to do more than just repenting. I get worried that maybe I’m praying differently to how people pray in the hanafi madhab, or are my clothes impure, or did I pray correctly, or did I do ghusl correct.

Like when I was in a haram relationship, I cut ties with the person and everything, it wasn’t an argument but I wanted to do it for the sake of getting better at practicing my faith and doing it for the sake of Allah, but I remember saying “sure” to them asking if we could maybe try again in the future, but I don’t. I remember someone from the past messaged me and just saying “nice” things but I ignored them and didn’t answer because I don’t want to even have any communication with that person either. I’ve cut ties with them, and I don’t intend on talking to them again, but I don’t know if I have to message them and tell them that which I don’t want to do because I don’t want to talk to them, but I’m not sure what to do, I’m just scared that I have to do it if it’s to ask for forgiveness about something, and that’s why I’m so nervous, can anyone please give me advice. I’ve repented for it because I felt really guilty, and I’m not interested in that stuff, but I don’t know if I have to message these people.

It’s so difficult, I get so frustrated over everything and it’s horrible, I used to be anxious but I still use to be okay when praying but now I feel like it’s affecting me when I pray, there’s always something bothering me. I just don’t feel okay at all and when I do feel okay, I just worry about something else.

I don’t know if a prayer is invalid if something is infront of us like a door, or a shelf with just objects on it like a clock or candle, or a wall, but is it okay to pray while facing something? Not like a toy, or an object that looks like a person, but just normal objects like a wall, door, or a shelf?

Fajr = 2 sunnah, then 2 fardh

Dhuhr = 4 sunnah, then 4 fardh, then 2 sunnah

Asr = 4 sunnah, then 4 fardh

Maghrib = 3 fardh, then 2 sunnah

Isha = 4 fardh, 2 sunnah, then 3 rakat witr

Correct me if I’m wrong, I’ve only just found out about it so I don’t want to mess it up. I heard that in the fardh prayers you don’t recite a second surah in the last two rakat of prayers that are 4 for those who follow hanafi madhab? And like for maghrib, you don’t recite a second surah after fatiah in the third rakat. But I think for the sunnah prayers, you recite a second surah after fatiah for all rakats? And if anyone knows if a person should say rabbighfirlee twice?