Wanting to enjoy this but life is destroying me
I have the most perfect little three month old, and I know I would die for her in a heartbeat. But I am so alone and so miserable. I don’t know if this is PPD or just shitty life circumstances, but I just feel numb and detached from everything. I even get so annoyed with my baby sometimes and then afterwards feel like the most awful person. None of this is her fault but I’m struggling to reign the negative feelings in, it’s not fair to her. I know I need to, but I don’t know how.
It doesn’t help that I’m completely isolated from my family and in a marriage that absolutely sucks. One of my closest friends is dying and I have no idea how I’ll get out to see her before she passes. I wanted to be there for her, and it sucks. I feel so, so angry, and like I see these other moms with loving partners and simple, happy lives and it’s all I ever wanted but never got… it doesn’t feel fair. I hate my life right now and I think constantly about leaving my husband and starting over somewhere with my baby. But how could I (he’s a good dad at least)? I don’t have anyone to talk to and just needed to vent.