I have a massive crush on a new coworker
Sigh... I'm a bi male in a hetero seeming relationship with a bi female. Really happy in it and we've been together for over 10+ years. I clearly also find men attractive but am rarely ever actually attracted to any. Almost always when I'm already in a relationship and so have never been in a relationship or gotten to pursue a man. Wether they weren't my type or I felt like they were out of my league etc.
Last month I finally met the new employee and goddamn he's beautiful. His eyes, piercings, hair and scars. With an amazingly lovely bright attitude. I feel like there's some mutual attraction there when we speak. How close we get to each other when we talk. And I can feel myself being happy and nervous hoping I don't pry too much or info dump right out the gate. I literally check the schedule every morning to see if he's gonna be there. Only one other employee knows that I even find him "very cute" but no one knows how I actually feel.
I am ashamed cause I love my relationship but it IS monogamous. I don't believe I have what it takes to try any polyamorous. Relationships are hard enough and risking it all is not how I live my life since I was much younger. I don't know if they are single, and I don't even know if they are even gay or bi or attracted to men in any way. Im ashamed to have not told him I'm in a relationship already. This is how it usully goes for me. I never seem to find too many men attractive but I am very attracted to my coworker. I can't bring myself to do anything about it, just gonna be one of those corners of my mind.
It's fucked up. But I had to say it somewhere