PPD?
Hi everyone,
I’m writing here as a last resort because I am truly at the lowest point in my whole life right now I don’t know how to keep going. Even writing this post feels difficult.
I had an amazing pregnancy and birth, my problem started about 3 weeks pp, I’m currently 7 weeks pp. it started with me not being able to sleep at all when the baby slept, due to constant anxiety. I had so many worries and thoughts racing that I decided to ask my GP for lexapro, which I’ve been taking for 2 weeks now. I’m not sure if this is a side effect of the meds or PPD but here are my symptoms:
Wanting to disappear as I feel unworthy of taking care of my baby. I have a village, I’m at my mothers house and she helps me so much but I feel like a burden to her and the rest of my family. I feel like a piece of shit, like a shit mother shit daughter shit sister shit wife. I feel like I will never be able to go back to my house and be normal and live my life.
Regretting motherhood but feeling like I really want to take care of my daughter and see her grow up and reach her milestones. I keep telling my daughter how sorry I am that she had to have a mother like me.
I have intense trouble moving and deciding what to do. For example I will feed my daughter and then freeze because I don’t know what to do after. I feel like I’m stuck
I see every little challenge as an incredibly hard to go over mountain, like I will not be able to go over it. It could be something very simple such as taking an appt for a blood test. Everytime I think about something I have to do I freeze and panic that I’m not going to be able to do it. I feel like I have dementia as everything I used to be able to do perfectly I’m really struggling.
I want to get help but I’m terrified of cps being notified and my baby taken away. I’m scared of losing my husband and family by being this incredibly difficult person to live with.
Thanks in advance for any response