Looking for advice
Hi everyone,
I began riding when I was 4. It was the only hobby I knew I wanted for myself. I rode weekly, progressed quickly and fell in love with the sport. My instructor was incredible, I often helped out at the yard and even worked others' horses around age 12 simply because it was what made me truly happy.
Around that time I got my pony, a riding school cob who stubbornly insisted upon cantering on the left lead no matter what. Since the school started working him he had never, ever gone on the correct lead. I was absolutely over the moon, he was my everything and we were inseparable. We took part in local competitions, sponsored rides, long hacks in the summer, he was my everything.
We moved around yards a couple times and I grew more and more confident in my abilities to not only ride but educate myself in everything equestrian related. I still worked with my first instructor weekly, and she absolutely adored him- probably as much as me. After 3 years my stubborn left-leaded pony and I were finally able to perform flying changes and at last he learned how to canter on the right lead. I was ecstatic and overjoyed with both him and myself for all the effort we put in. He went from a scruffy riding school horse always with his nose in the air to finally using his hind legs and working in proper form. It took repetition and plateaus but it was so so worth it.
In 2024 I watched him be put to sleep after sustaining a twisted gut out in the field. This absolutely shattered me and to this day I can't say I'm over it. Since that awful day I haven't ridden a horse since, I couldn't even look at one for a good year. I no longer had lessons, I didnt visit my friends I made at the yard, it was all over for me at that moment.
It's been almost two years now and though the hole that's been left by his death hasn't lessened I am so deeply missing horses. I'm watching and reading about them, I'm missing the feeling of galloping through stubble on hot days and I miss the smell of the yard. I miss untacking and hosing them off when they're sweaty, I just miss every single thing about this sport so deeply. It's all I wanted for myself back then and I'm so certain it's all I want for my future too. Despite all of this I'm now in university studying an unrelated degree, I don't have the time nor the finances to even consider lessons again, and I don't think that's the route I'd want to get back into riding anyway. I don't have a horsey family, my one friend at the yard had to put her horse down earlier this year and my father that bought me him, spent all his time with the two of us and covered everything when I was growing up also passed away, so I have practically no ties to horses anymore.
I guess I just need some advice if anyone has experienced a similar situation to me. It's difficult as most equestrians I know have a horsey circle, but connecting with the sport again in my case is going to be impossible having lost my father and what I can only describe as my heart-horse. I just know that no matter what, I have to be with horses in the future, whether now or in 5 years. I just don't know how to do it.
Thank you for reading.
TLDR - I want to get back into riding/being around horses at some point but don't have the time, finances or the social circle to be able to. I'm in university but can't see myself doing anything after graduation if horses aren't somewhat included in my life. I have no idea where I'd even begin to be able to achieve that.