Hello! This is going to be short and sweet: I’m doing fine. Things are looking up, although sometimes progress is so slow it’s only when I look back I realise how far I’ve come.
I’m currently in Berlin for the weekend to meet up with friends from CMA that I’ve never met IRL before. First time sober in Berlin - reclaiming this city.
My divorce is chaotic but moving forward nonetheless. My ex hates me now and goes off on me every time we meet, tries to pressure me for money and is a general asshole. But we’ve managed to agree to sell our apartment and then all ties will be cut and I’ll be free.
I’m limiting my contact with him to written form.
I am worried for him, worried that he’s maybe using again (he wants to borrow money, acts strange). But I also see through him now: he is an expert at making me feel guilty, pressuring me to set aside my own needs to take care of his. Even now he expects me to fix his problems and blames them on me. But he’s a grown man. He will have to fix his own life.
I’m fortunate enough to have friends I can stay with for free, so I have a roof over my head at least until September and that gives me time to find a permanent place. I try to focus on one thing at a time and so far it’s working out.
I’m gradually feeling more like a whole human being again. I am very grateful to have been able to stop all amphetamines back in 2024 and my brain is clearly recovering bit by bit and it’s especially apparent when I look back five months or a year. No anhedonia or apathy anymore. Less jittery, more at ease.
Not drinking since four months does wonders too. Better focus, better health.
I’m still in NA and CMA and work the steps with my sponsor. Around 5-7 meetings a week.
That’s it. Here’s to another day sober. We do recover, but it takes some work.