u/rawrz4u

I think i’m just going to accept that I will always be perceived a certain way for how i present myself. being a gender nonconformist and having both masculine and feminine traits has made it that I give off a “queer vibe” to others. even if i don’t dress or act flamboyant i still get judged for being even slightly fem. it’s not even on purpose i have a natural “feminine“ look since forever and gradually just accepted i wont look stereotypically masculine.

Then I get hit on by gay guys and in a way i feel a bit flattered because some of them are really sweet and genuine so i cant even really be mad about it. but then it gets to a point where its like…really? people just assume your sexuality based on how you look. After politely telling a guy i don’t swing that way and have a girlfriend the dude really said he was surprised i wasn’t gay. like the thought of a guy not being the poster boy for playgirl magazine is suddenly gay/bi.

so normally i have an alternative ’edgy’ style and it contrast with my more fem and soft features. i always felt like i had dress more ‘masculine’ to be taken seriously as a guy, although i genuinely adore the alt style.

this isn’t the first time i thought about doing this but i had a lot of hang ups in the past with masculinity. i was always fem presenting in the sense of being androgynous and would confuse people about my gender sometimes. there were times i got mistaken as an actual girl and in the past it would offend me and made me insecure but now it’s different. if anything i began embracing my femininity and i feel good about it. gender nonconformity is something i enjoy. thankfully i have a supportive partner and she never judged me about how i present myself so that definitely helps. but no she wasn't aware i did this, it was more of a personal experiment to see how i would feel about wearing feminine clothing.

one of my guy friends bought me a skirt some time ago as a joke and i never wore it much to his disappointment. he never asked for it back and it was still in the bag he gave me it in. today i thought why not wear it and i did. honestly it was a bit weird at first for multiple reasons. i’ve basically worn pants all my life and it was an adjustment, but honestly it wasn’t so bad. regardless of what i wear my mother taught me to never leave the house looking a mess so it took me another half hour to style my outfit and hair.

i didn’t go to any place nearby so i wouldn’t run into someone i knew so i drove to a random shopping center and walked around a bit. i’m surprised that i didn’t get harassed ngl that was one of my biggest fears. but i think my androgyny helped me and i got some compliments from girls :’).

honestly it felt really good and i’m proud of myself for getting the courage to do it. don’t think i’ve felt that free in a long time.