u/raisingmenpodcast

When your son shuts down or starts yelling, it’s not because he’s being a jerk. It is actually a hardware issue. Boys’ nervous systems are often more reactive to stress and their engines run hot before they have learned how to shift gears. Since the prefrontal cortex, the Sherlock Holmes part of the brain is still under construction, he literally loses access to rational thought when he is overwhelmed.

For many boys, anger is the only masculine gear they feel safe using to hide fear or embarrassment. The move here is to stop demanding an explanation in the heat of the moment because he honestly doesn't have one. Wait for the engine to cool down before you try to look at the blueprint together.

Historically I am a cerebral and calm guy, but when my kids were born, I discovered a Conan the Barbarian mode I didn't know I had. This happens because of the Autopilot Trap. When our emotional reserves hit zero, our brain stops being creative and defaults to the oldest, buggiest operating system we have, which is usually our own childhood programming. To fix this, you need a Yellow Light audit. Identify your physical cues like a hot forehead or a tight chest and pull over because you cannot lead when your engine is overheating. Tell the kids directly that you are frustrated and taking five minutes to reset so you don't yell. Yelling is the ultimate form of coasting, and while leading with influence is harder, it is the only way we forge men.