[WP] Humans are attempting to create FTL travel by decreasing the speed of light
Chairbeing Ci’lax’ith of the Centian Triumvirate cleared its throat (glands?... speech apparatus?) the human emissary was unsure. “We are here to discuss the humans,” it said wearily.
A collective groan rippled across the chamber like a wave. AI delegates slightly powered down their neural nets in anticipation of the machine learning version of a migraine.
“They have decreased the speed of light by 1%,” the Chairbeing continued.
A scientific attache from the Nymbian System asked, “could it be a rounding error?”
The lone human delegate shuffled uncomfortably in his seat.
“Ask him!” Chairbeing Ci’lax’ith answered angrily pointing at the man.
“Uh no sir, your highness, err Chairbeing, ma’am,” the human delegate stammered.
“We dispensed with sex and gender before your ancestors were bipedal. Just say Chairbeing or Chairperson if that’s easier. Why would you do this? Do you realize the ramifications?”
“We were trying to achieve faster than light travel…” he mumbled. This unfortunate human’s name was Brett. Brett had drawn the short straw and been sent to the Emergency Session of the Federation of Planets, the majority of whom were already annoyed by how long the human had taken to reach them. They had called the session several years ago and he had only just arrived.
“You do realize per the tenets of your Einstein,” the Chairbeing used the term mockingly, “you have just decreased the efficiency of all of our fusion reactors by 2%? Even your own sun is generating less energy.”
“E = mc² you idiot,” another alien roared.
“All you’ve done is made your sun slightly dimmer and totally fucked all our energy budgets!” A particularly enraged AI, whose civilization was heavily dependent on fusion, yelled.
“Yes, but we made the universe slightly smaller…” Brett tried to interject.
“And made all interstellar travel and communication slower, you simpleton!” An octopoid intelligence cut him off angrily.
A transmission from Earth appeared on the screen.
Hey, just trying something. Probably nothing. Probably won’t affect universal constants.
“What are they doing now, Brett?” The Chairbeing asked angrily.
“Probably attempting to fix our mistake,” Brett said hopefully.
Another crescendo of groans echoed across the chamber.
“Can’t anyone stop them?” A scaled arthropod questioned multiple limbs quivering with anger.
“We have interceptors in Alpha Centauri. We could be there in less than a light year. Well maybe slower now because they did, whatever they did…” a large muscular vaguely humanoid being standing at least ten feet tall growled then trailed off.
“I’m streaming this back to Earth, I wouldn’t threaten them…” Brett mumbled.
The chamber shook then stilled. Emergency lights flared slightly slower than usual.
“What was that?!” An AI asked as it ran calculations.
“They’ve lowered the speed of light by 3% now!” Another alien exclaimed.
The room as a whole rounded on Brett who visibly shrank, “I’m sure it’s just an anomaly?”