u/prettyyshai

I'm not the addicted type or thats what I thought three months ago. Unfortunately I relapsed and its hitting harder. I only do it when I'm stressed or feeling low. I don't feel that rn and I keep doing it. It reminded me when I first started it and I disliked that version of me because its not healthy. I know I can stop whenever, but I can't seem to want that. I used to do it with friends just for the sake of it. Now I do it alone while driving, I started buying it again. I hate it, fuck this is so annoying

It is very important ^^^

Is it normal that my mom has been moody with me because i don't want to meet or have استخارة with her sisters son?

I get where she comes from ofc, but still she's not normal for days now lmao. I feel so attacked by her now. How can I fix it, i definitely don't want a man now and he's so different from what I want. Send help muslim sisters and bros.

I'm the kind of student that will memorize even though it's hard for me. I only study with my major friends before of the exam every time. For the quizzes, midterms and finals. This course is kinda hard for me, I struggle with it in some ways. Specially that its in Arabic because the students with me are Arabs like me, I just feel like it's so hard in my mother language unfortunately. I need someone to help me or at least give me the idea of how to not fail this course. We have been studying online for the past month. My knowledge is from A to C only. I need it from C to Z now. X

I found myself thinking about you again

Its a shame that you will never read this or know how I feel for you.

I always talked about everything but when it came to you I can't seem to express it properly.

But if you were infront of me I would've talked until you shut me up.

I was thinking of the nights when we slept together and I talk a lot while you want to sleep so badly.

Loving you and caring about you will never be a mistake.

I told you before and I will always say it, I love you with all of your flaws and imperfections.

I keep asking myself, does he miss me? Or think about me as much as I think about him?

I keep wondering if you're okay, eating well, feeling well.

I always wonder about you baby.

I keep thinking if you sleep well without me. If you found someone new. If you think about finding someone new.

I keep having questions, my brain has been my worst enemy.

Don't you think we could've been something? Or maybe that wasn't the plan. Or maybe it was, i don't want to think about that either. Your picture is so beautiful and calming in my head.

Am I selfish for wanting you all to myself?

Definitely selfish duh

I'm confused and I don't like whatever I'm feeling.

I have made peace with the idea that you and me are not the end game.

But again I ask myself,

Would it hurt if you showed more?

But then again,

Ending it in that way made me feel better, at ease.

I know I will get through this, if not now maybe until next year. Idk we never know smh.

I can survive my whole day normally, being productive, doing everything the way I should. But when its at night I keep thinking,

does he sleep? Hows his sleep quality?

I miss him, I miss his voice, his words and his laugh. Does he miss mine?

I never questioned your love or loyalty.

I never want to question it.

I don't care about what others might think about you and me.

Should I even write this? Should I move on? Should I continue living like you never existed to me?

Do you even feel like what I'm feeling? Was it hard for you?

I know I'm strong.

Im the strongest person you could ever meet in your life.

I know I'm worth more, I know I deserve better.

A little part of me wished it was you.

Our chapter was so short that I didn't have my fill with you.

Or was it enough for you?

What am I even writing smh

You're my lover, I know I will always remember you.

When I remember your name and what you used to tell me, my heart and body lose control. That kinda of control baby.

I might not be yours in the next few years, but just know at a certain time I wanted it to be you and that I was your even for a little bit.

You're loved by me. I didn't see the whole thing, but you're a wonderful person. You mean the world to me, I wish if I could give you something from me that you can keep with you.

I love you baby, I pray you find what you want even if it's not me.

It will hurt to write the goodbye and goodbyes again.

I will just say, until we meet again.

Mr Conan.