I’m so distraught
I was driving home the other night (to preface- NOT IMPAIRED!). Dark freeway, everyone who drives that stretch of it knows how dark it is. Like, really poorly lit and it’s an area with a lot of farm land/open space. I’m on the phone with my best friend. We always call each other driving home to make sure one another is safe. He luckily? heard the whole thing.
I hit a bicyclist… ON THE FREEWAY. I am so traumatized it’s not even funny. I feel horrible even though everyone including the highway patrol said there’s nothing I could have done to prevent it and “WTF was he doing on a bicycle on the freeway?”.
Yes he lived, as far as I know but the anguish and guilt and fear is looming hard over my head. I keep going down spirals. I’m so scared to drive. I am constantly anxious and I’m not sleeping. My heart pounds constantly. I am unable to return to normal life. I am beside myself with worry that the poor guy is going to die of his injuries, that I will have to go to jail and not see my daughter graduate high school and lose everything I have worked so hard for. I know it’s far fetched, but is it?
Unfortunately the liability rep from my insurance called yesterday. Logically I understand the timing- the insurance estimator went and looked at my truck, the summary was sent to my insurance, not even two hours later I get a phone call and the guy was SO condescending. Like SIR we live in the same state, you know damn well a bicyclist doesn’t belong on the freeway (“unless there are no paths/means of travel” of which there are plenty in the area I was in). You know damn well the CHP will file the report, but it will be a week before it’s available. I told him, I want to see the report just as much as you do, sir. He tried telling me the guy may claim compensation and just…
HOW????? he was on the freeway where he did not belong, and it being so dark, I did not see him until the very last second and swerved! The rep even said “well we don’t know the persons name or anything like that” and I’m like okay, so you’re just calling me to upset me? Because I don’t know either! I want to know! I feel terrible even though it is literally NOT my fault. Every single person I’ve told, what’s their first reaction…? “Why was the guy on a bicycle on a FREEWAY?” From the law enforcement to the paramedic to my coworkers, my daughters… and this ONE guy is trying to tell me I may be liable?
Please talk me off the ledge. I’m going crazy over here. 😞