Has anyone had this experience with their parent(s)? Struggling as relationship with Mom is changing...
Hi all, I wanted to get some advice from folks who I strongly feel have experienced a similar situation. I (27F) am Korean-American, and I absolutely love and admire my mother (60F). My dad is a typical emotionally absent parent, and while he paid bills, my Mom did all the "parenting." She is highly motivated, smart, and capable, and I have so much respect for her.
Recently... a few things have been happening. I am not sure if it's the algorithm on her phone, or something else, but she has been becoming more right-leaning, and it is getting very difficult to have conversations with her. Specifically, she is becoming anti-vax (started because of COVID) and in general, has been spouting right wing talking points about immigration, social issues, etc. This is especially difficult for me because in my eyes, she has always been a champion for human rights and women's issues, and has generally inspired me to adopt these values as well. That said, she also is very much a product of her culture and generation, and is very set in her ways about certain things, like not liking tattoos, looks down on divorce, has traditional views on society, things of that nature.
With that being already difficult, I visited her this past weekend and gave some news that she did not like. I have been dating someone for almost a year, and he has three children from a previous marriage. She was immediately unhappy to hear this, and basically told me that I need to change my mind and made me feel super guilty. Like you would have thought I told her I was blowing up my life to join a polycule in the mountains (no judgment here! just trying to give an example). It was a really tense conversation and she was crying and telling me that I deserve so much better and that there are better men out there.
I expected her to be judgmental... but that was way worse than I would have expected. I completely understand why she has reservations; a lot of my friends do as well, and on paper, a 27 year old childless woman does not seem to match with a guy 10 years older than her with 3 kids. I tried to reassure her that we are not getting married or anything, I am just evaluating if he is a good long-term partner, just like I would with any other guy I've dated in the past. I understand that his situation poses unique challenges, but for right now, it is working, and I trust myself to leave when it is no longer working. She told me she trusts me to make the right decisions but almost implied that I would be choosing this relationship over her (she backtracked on this when I tried to call her out for giving me an ultimatum).
I just feel awful about the whole thing. She is not the most open minded person, I know this, but I feel in general that our entire relationship is changing. Between the politics and now this, I don't recognize my mother and it breaks my heart :(
Has anyone experienced something similar? How did you navigate it or come to terms with it?