help please
I’m a French student (20F) who applied to study at Durham for a year (2026-2027) and I got in. I have to give an answer very soon. I always dreamt of going to Durham.
But my dad got diagnosed with ALS about 2 weeks ago.
(ALS: a severe neurodegenerative disease that leads to progressive paralysis of muscles involved in voluntary movement. To date, no curative treatment exists)
He started to have symptoms about 2 years ago but we had no idea that it was such a terrible disease.
He can’t walk alone and when we go out he has to be in a wheelchair. It’s very hard for him mentally as he used to be a triathlete and now he can’t even walk properly. He started a month ago to struggle to talk…
Our family situation is pretty weird too. My mom divorced my dad 3 years ago because well he was such a bad husband to her (he treated her like sh** basically). I always resented him for it. But now the situation has changed. I still resent him for the way he treats my mom who accepted to let him move in with her, in HER house, to take care of him bc of his current situation. Now that my mom is back into his life, my dad sometimes becomes again the terrible husband he was to although they are divorced and my mom only does this bc he is ill and that he has no family or anyone to take care of him. My mom is just extremely kind and my dad takes this for granted. He sometimes says things like of course she would come back to him, or he gives her very strict orders to do this and that. And okay!!! he can’t do them himself, and I know it’s very hard for him too, but seeing my mom treated like this feels like a stab in the heart every time. But when I see my dad cry bc he is in so much pain, it’s also a stab in the heart for me.
I have younger brother who doesn’t help at all, and older sister who doesn’t live at home anymore.
Basically my dilemma is : if I leave for Durham, my mom will be left alone with her ill ex husband who still has the nerves to treat her like a kid/slave/object (and now caregiver) in her own house + I don’t know how my dad’s heath is gonna evolve, and I’m scared to miss potentially his last days.
Although I really want to go to Durham, I feel like I just can’t leave my parents like this.
What do you think ?