Alexithymia is so confusing
hi, i‘m m44. late diagnosed with autism (last year) and recently with adhd.
i think i have alexithymia, i did the tas-20 with my therapist and scored high ig. i still struggle to understand and to explain it to others too. the best description i came up with is that there is som feeling there but the connection from body to mind is missing. i can’t put it into thoughts and what can not think of i can’t describe or communicate to others. also i don’t know to differentiate between alexithymia and bad interoception
so i thought i ask this community: is this alexithymia or interoception?
- anxiety: i didn’t notice i had it until i got panic attacks. still until today i don’t notice it until it is above a certain threshold (like 80% or above if i put it into numbers)
- feeling/identifying and/or communicating my feelings when i am around people: i am a high masking autist, people pleaser. i often say things i don’t really want or accept things or don’t voice my opinion. sometimes i realize it afterwards but it also can pile up throughout days until i snap and then feel guilty
- i am able to name feelings: anger, anxiety, love, hate, sadness. but not really more detailed tbh. often not in the moment itself. i am slow processing emotions. i hate it when people push or force me to get over it when i still don’t even know what i feel. extreme feelings are easier for me to identify
- body signals: my body can turn off (chronic) pain, feelings like hunger, thirst or the need to pee. that’s probably more interoception but not sure
- if someone asks me how i am i say i‘m okay, good or not well. i can‘t list more details just what i did that day
- i have a hard time memorize or emotions. yesterday i might know or if it was a big thing like a fight from last week. but other than that i cant. i can’t remember how my last year was or how i felt on that vacation. i have only little memory of my childhood.
i would be really interested in feedback.
p.s. if there are some good resources on alexithymia like books, website or podcasts i would highly appreciate some recommendations