had a very vivid dream of relapsing, and it almost felt like a nightmare, I'm one month sober and i would have hated myself for ruinning that.
I've never felt so lost but so happy to wake up 💀😭
I decided to really stop this because I wanted to make my gf proud since she's also struggling with her own addictions. I think i have been addicted for 5 years maybe , i realised it about one year ago, I never consumed more that once a day, but it was 90% of the times 4+ times a week.
It's been 1 month now and i feel ok, but the urges are super strong and I'm struggling . I know I need to learn to deal with urges and to rewire my dopamine with healthy sources. But it's getting so hard not to relapse. My one true motivation is that, porn made me this way, so why would I want to go back, and also that since i have been watching this since i was a teen ( i'm 21), it's not going to get back to normal so quick, I need to be patient. But holly Fuck is it unberable. It's like my brain is screami'g that he needs it, i have vivid images of vidéo i used to watch 😭.
But i stay strong, for me and for my gf
any way, just needed to vent. Good night everyone
( and sorry for possible spelling mistakes or anything, English is not my first language)