I have no normal life.
I have no job. I have no friends. I only interact with people once a week in Church that to only if I make it. I live with mom so no worries about my needs. I tried to get involved in Church but I am not even regular to Church. My travel only happens if my mom gives the money. She is not a Christian. Sometimes she hesitated. The other times my own sleep routine which is in jeopardy ruins my opportunity to go anywhere especially to Church or related events.
I was diagnosed with adhd couple of years ago. And I have been battling soo much intrusive thoughts so I suspect ocd also. I have no access to therapy. It costs a lot and my mom has already told me to earn something for myself so this therapy is affordable. I have no insurance. I am in my late twenties.I have prayed to God for all of these. He did give me many free resources available and many guidance. Yet I relapse.
I was going abstinent for about 38 days and relapsed. Now I can't even get by a day without lusting. All the help for this says, You need to get spent. You need to socialize. But I seem to not get exactly what helps me with this addiction. Or at least many obstacles to it.
I have prayed and asked prayers from Church for career. But God said wait. I feel lonely. I am just complaining and not progressing anywhere. I am afraid I am getting numb to this sin. I always do better the more I socialize. But now that is hard. Church gets repetitive. No actual deep conversation. Just the basics. I don't know what to say or feel.
I am stuck in sin cycle. It feels like I can't break it. When compulsions and urges come it only resisted successfully a few times with God's help. The other times I give up. I am ashamed to share this with anyone in Church. Only one person who knows about my struggle with this addiction and we don't get to talk that much. My heart is not pure.
Pray for me. Thank you!