When will the monkey’s paw curl?
I am a 22 year old who was diagnosed with mixed anxiety-depressive disorder and adhd following high school graduation. I’m a super senior in undergrad because I spent most of university hating my life and hating myself for hating my life and experimenting with psych drug cocktails in hopes of fixing myself and resenting myself for seeking an external fix to internal problems that it seemed like nobody else struggled with. I felt like a weak person with no internal locus of control; I was mad at myself for not manning up basically. This is my last semester and I got fed up with Wellbutrin Adderall and Lexapro not solving my anxiety problem so I went to a psych and requested an anti-anxiety medication that wouldn’t increase my risk of dementia in 40 years like gabapentin. I had some hope, but propranolol has done more for me than I ever expected. I first noticed I wasn’t scared of checking out my groceries anymore, I used to dread the brief interactions with cashiers. Then I noticed I actually wanted to hang out with people and I didn’t have to force myself to perform for them. I don’t even feel like I have to roll back my opinions to please other people anymore. I can literally be mean if I want to because I don’t get psychic backlash from the idea that I’m inconveniencing anyone in any way. The craziest effect is that my motor skills have gotten better— art is my hobby and despite regularly training fundamentals I never improved. Suddenly I can make all these subtle motions with my wrist and my spacial reasoning is better. It’s like all of a sudden I’ve leapt over all these walls I thought I would never surpass. I feel like a blind person who woke up one day able to see. It’s just so incredible that a drug can do this and nobody ever talks about drugs being able to do this outside of infomercials, which come off as smarmy because they’re trying to sell you something. It’s more than I ever could have asked for. What is the catch. I’m having trouble accepting this. Does propranolol for anxiety wear off? It’s hard to find data on this since it’s an off label use of the drug.