Accepted that I am gay
I am a 28 yo Male living in USA. I had been struggling with sexuality for the past 4 years when somebody asked if I was gay or not. After that thoughts started hitting and I couldn’t digest why I am getting those thoughts. I thought I had HOCD that these thoughts are hitting and disturbing me.
I went into a straight relationship with a beautiful, kind hearted girl as well during these 4 years. I used to get aroused around her but sex wasn’t great. I just couldn’t appreciate her sexiness during sex. She was my safe space. She knew what I was struggling with. Yet she remained with me for almost 1.5 years. But we are no longer together.
I now have accepted that I am gay. I see myself involved while watching gay adult videos (specifically being a bottom mostly). It’s a very new feeling but it aligns with what I feel. It hasn’t still fully sunken yet. I haven’t told my parents or anything. It feels sad that I had the most perfect girl (I would have had a very good life with her) but my wiring is different and I need to respect it for own and my partner’s happiness.
I still don’t know how to be romantically involved with a guy because so far I know how to be with a girl.
If anyone has any advice for me, I would highly appreciate. Thanks.
Note: I might try to convince me otherwise again that I am not gay but I hope I don’t try to flip and embrace it fully. It’s not easy but I am trying.