How do you cope with losing your best friend?
I had to say my final goodbye to my best friend Cody on April 15th, and I just brought his urn home today. I'm still devastated.
He was only 8 years old. He lost his fight with cancer (MCT). We had a tumor removed in December, but by March it showed that it had spread to his lymph nodes and liver, and by early April he had hundreds of them all over his body. We had him put to sleep at home, where he belonged.
I keep looking for him around the house. I still can't really wrap my head around the fact that he's never coming back. He was a reserved but deeply loving sheltie, and his thing was "dutting"(sorry for the danish), those little deliberate nose presses that meant I'm here. I miss it more than I know how to say.
I've been thinking about getting another sheltie down the line. Not to replace him, I know that isn't possible, and I don't want to, but because I miss the routines, and because I want to honor the fact that he spent the last 8 years making me the best sheltie owner he could.
For those of you who've been through this:
- How long did it take before you brought another sheltie home?
- How did you cope in the meantime?
Thanks for reading this.
EDIT:
I just want to say thank you to everyone who has commented, shared their own story, or sent kind words. I didn't expect this. Reading through your replies has made me cry, but in the way grief sometimes needs, knowing I'm not alone, and that so many of you have loved and lost a sheltie too. It means more than I can say. Thank you!
To anyone who finds this post in the future because you're standing where I am right now, a few things I wish someone had told me:
You're not crazy for looking for them. I still catch myself listening for his paws, glancing toward his spot on the floor. It doesn't mean something is wrong with you. It means you loved them.
The urn coming home is its own wave. Nobody warned me how heavy that day would be. If you're dreading it, that's normal. If you're surprised by it, that's normal too.
Cody, you were my soulmate. You carried me through some of the hardest moments of my life, and I carried you through yours. Eight years of adventures, of quiet trust, of a bond people rarely get to witness. Thank you for everything, my best boy. 🐾🤍