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Excerpt from American Son, Richard Blow

“If most people revered celebrity, John romanticized the ordinary, and Carolyn's everyday background was part of what attracted him to her. Her roots not only would give her the strength to be John's partner, but they would also help him stay grounded. Carolyn provided John a link to the lives of average Americans. At the same time, she was beautiful, passionate, and vivacious. She didn't seem to be at all intimidated by him. People said John was like Jay Gatsby, and though that analogy had some merit-both men had seamless, seductive exteriors-there was an essential difference between the two. Gatsby knew who he wanted to be but denied who he was; John knew who he was, but not who he wanted to be. If anyone was Gatsbyesque, it was Carolyn. She was the social dreamer intent upon self-transformation. But as she herself would admit, behind her carefully constructed beauty there swirled a maelstrom of insecurity. Was she pretty enough for John? Strong enough? Did he really love her?

She wasn't book smart; Carolyn didn't read many books-but she compensated with ambition. At college she posed for "The Girls of B.U." calendar, which later embarrassed her. The calendar was testimony to how much work had gone into her current appearance. In her photo Carolyn looked girl-next-door sweet— big-eyed, big-haired, a bit Madonna circa 1985, nothing like the sleek fashion icon she would become. She seemed softer, more accessible than the woman who, in her need to protect herself, had adopted a hard shell.

From the time she started being photographed with John, she felt pressure to look the part of his physical peer. But unlike John, Carolyn had to work for her looks. She subjected herself to injections of Botox, a bacteria that numbed the nerves in her forehead, so that she would not frown and develop wrinkles. She dieted herself rail thin, plucked her eyebrows until they were mere wisps, dyed her hair the color of white corn. She was sitting in my office once when John walked in and began stroking her hair. "Not so hard, okay, baby?" Carolyn said, squirming a little. "I've got so many chemicals in this hair; you're going to break it." She was half-joking, but only half. 

I wished that the public could have seen John and Carolyn at their happiest, as they were just weeks later when they hosted a George party in Washington. Held on March 25, 1996, at the luxurious home of socialites Peggy and Conrad Cafritz, it was an intimate gathering of perhaps sixty people, including George Stephanopoulos, Secretary of Commerce Ron Brown, and Health and Human Services Secretary Donna Shalala. Chic, for Washington.

About an hour into the evening, after a cool spring night had descended, I saw John and Carolyn standing by a window near the bar. Someone was making a toast in the living room and the other guests had gravitated that way. With a mischievous smile, John slid the window open and dropped to the patio a few feet below.  Carolyn slipped off her heels and followed, grasping the windowsill as John held out his arms and eased her to the ground, then reached for her hand. As they walked slowly through the moonlight, they stopped to kiss, Carolyn lifting her lips to John's. They didn't return until the party was winding down, and when they did, smiles danced around their faces like little waves lapping at the edges of a pool.”

- In her college years Carolyn was praised for being “most beautiful person”, Richard mentions that Carolyn thought it was so cringe and was embarrassed by it and insecure. Will we ever know who she really was? Some just glorify the “most beautiful person” part, but seldom do we hear that she was embarrassed by it.

 

- Why do you think Carolyn wanted so desperately to look different, different from what she looked at Calvin Klein?  Why didn’t she leave her hair as is, the person who John fell in love with? Carolyn was not only changing her exterior, but she was also changing from within.

- Why did she change her hair to this “white corn” color as Richard says, and why did she get rail thin? Billy Noonan, John’s friend later shared that Carolyn was obsessed with Jackie. Did she try to be as rail thin as Jackie?  

- Why was she slowly transforming herself to look very polished, almost perfect (in her mind).

- Do you think she really subjected herself to Botox? 

See pictures for transformation. 

Excerpt from Ask Not, Maureen Callahan

"Mary could barely get out of bed. On the days when she summoned enough energy to take the kids to school, Mary was often in ratty pajama bottoms, her hair unkempt. "You have to pull yourself together," the other mothers told her. "You're a Kennedy. You can't go around looking like this."

In those moments, Mary would think: None of you could do what I do. None of you could handle being a Kennedy wife. It was something Mary had in common with Carolyn Bessette, married to Bobby's cousin John Jr. Almost every day, Mary dealt with the assumption that came not just from other women, but also from tabloids and esteemed historians: that being a Kennedy wife-especially the wife of the namesake, the eldest son of a beloved, martyred leader — meant you were special. It was never the other way around. That you'd chosen him, that you'd chosen this.  That behind the scenes, you were the brains. The mover, the shaker, the one who got things done. And if you failed in any way, everyone, including your husband, would let you know, their contempt sometimes hidden but mostly not: “Look at the world I brought you into, the wealth and fame and admiration handed to you on this family's silver platter. How hard could it be?”

 As Carolyn said every time her husband asked her that very question, "I didn't get the fucking employee handbook."  John was hardly like his father and deserved credit for that; he took his marriage seriously and, as he said at the outset, had every intention of being faithful.

 And, as for Bobby’s wandering eye was just part of the deal. Congenital, generational, baked in —the original recipe Kennedy."

Two women marrying Kennedy men that had the weight on their shoulders:

Mary, the private citizen with the following accomplishments below:

• Architectural Focus: Richardson was a pioneer in green design, focusing on energy efficiency, water conservation, and improved indoor air quality.
• Notable Projects: She oversaw the renovation of the Naval Observatory and later managed the "Kennedy Green House" project, a massive, sustainable rebuilding of her family home in Bedford, New York, following flood damage.
• Professional Background: She was associated with the design firm Parish-Hadley and was recognized for her expertise in sustainable design and architectural restoration.
• Philanthropy: In 1998, she co-founded the Food Allergy Initiative, which became the largest private funder of food allergy research in the U.S.
• Early Career: In 1980, she worked for Andy Warhol, where she helped organize "Artists for Kennedy" and secured donations from artists like Roy Lichtenstein and Robert Rauschenberg.
• Family Role: Following her 1994 marriage to Robert F. Kennedy Jr., she heavily supported his environmental work with the Waterkeeper Alliance and Riverkeeper

Mary who loved Bobby also started out as the other woman. When Bobby whisked her away he was still legally married to his first wife, Emily Ruth Black, when he began his relationship with Mary Richardson.

• Overlap of Relationships: RFK Jr. and Mary Richardson began dating in 1993 while he was still legally married to Emily Ruth Black, though the two were reportedly separated at the time.
• Marriage and Pregnancy: Mary revealed she was pregnant in early 1994, prompting RFK Jr. to seek a "quickie" divorce in the Dominican Republic to finalize his split from Black.
• Divorce and Remarriage: The divorce from Emily Black was finalized on March 24, 1994. Only weeks later, on April 14, 1994, RFK Jr. married Mary Richardson while she was six months pregnant with their first child.

 Carolyn started off as “the other woman” since 1991. She finally became exclusive with John by late 1994.  And just like Mary she was destined for an unhappy marriage.

Carolyn on the other hand immediately quit her job and stayed home. Why was there no urgency on Carolyn’s behalf to contribute to any Kennedy foundation? She mentioned to Carole that she wanted to go back to school to get her master’s degree. Carole was nice enough to pick up college applications and brought them over to 20 N Moore where they sat on the table for months. Did Carole see for herself that Carolyn was NOT serious about furthering her education or at least find her own career that she could call her own. Something that deeply frustrated John.

Carolyn when dealing with the paps would say “I didn’t sign up for this.” Why would Carolyn think her life with John was going to be different from those wives in the 50s -90s? All had public weddings, and very public lives - the Kennedy men & women were always in the media. What did she think her life would be like?

Did she ever second guess and ask herself “What did I do” after the honeymoon when she realized she couldn’t handle the media scrutiny or the judgement?   Most of John’s friends even questioned “was she ready and could she handle it?”

In hindsight it’s not so much that she wasn’t “good enough” for John, but was she capable of handling what came with being in the public eye?  

Why was Carolyn the only Kennedy wife who was scrutinized by the paps and in tabloids?

Before her there was Ethel, Jackie, Joan, the Kennedy sisters, Mary, etc. Why do you think Carolyn was targeted?

Was it because she just wouldn’t pose for a picture, or engage with the media like the Kennedy women before her that did come from a similar or private background?  Or did the backlash start right after the public fight in the park?  Was the public mad at her for making the prince of Camelot look bad?

If roles were reversed and if John was the aggressor and he was standing over her, yelling at her while she was sitting on the curb would he still be America’s Prince?