Just want you to know, it'll turn out fine.
I'm just gonna write this for those who struggle with cardiophobia, I want to let you know it does lay down at some point and stop pestering you. I was thinking about it, and though I still occasionally feel my heartbeat once in awhile, I'm not scared anymore. I used to not be able to get into the shower, let alone stand in there. I used to constantly have my fingers on my pulse, which was so often I had pimples on the spot!! Yuck! I wouldn't be able to do any kind of exercise other than walking, and I was so scared when my heart rate went even to 120. I couldn't even think the words "heart attack" because I'd immediately start telling myself thats jinxing it and I'd worry for the whole day. Hearing a heart beat or heart monitor drove me mad, made me panic. Moral of the stor my life was seriously hell, my heart was all I could focus on. But now, after like two and a half years, all that has stopped. Over time I guess it just took doing the same thing over and over and literally nothing happening that drove me to realize I'm FINE. YOU are fine. You are okay. Like, seriously, what's this worry for? It's not going to stop anything from happening. That probably sounds horrible and sorry about that but really, it's true. Constantly feeling your heart isn't going to stop it from doing it's thing. Its a habit to feel your pulse, a hard one to break out of. But someday you'll feel that freedom of accidentally having to run and get something from the car, and realizing you were more worried about what you forgot than your heart. Or, laying down in bed for awhile and never once having to feel your pulse. I don't think my post is very nice to see in a sea of horrible comments, and I'm so sorry to intrude on your guys' safe space, but I just really, really want you to know it's possible for it to end. I swear, I used to think it would never go away, and this was gonna be the end of my life. But, nope! You're okay, you will be okay, just go live. Hunch over and feel your heartbeat for a second and move on instead of dwelling. You got this.