How did you know when you were ready to try again?
I am 12 weeks out from my tfmr at 29 weeks. Pretty much the entire time since it happened I knew i wanted to try again asap. We have to do a new round of ivf to get pregnant again. I am almost 34 with no living children. I feel worried about my age, which is why I wanted to try again pretty quickly if i hope to have more than one. It is just so hard. I miss my baby boy still every day. He was so big already when i delivered at 29 weeks and i feel like he's constantly floating in my mind.
I would say I am pretty high functioning in my life, like I guess I am "okay". But recently, like maybe last 2 weeks, I have started having vivid unsettling dreams almost every night. It's enough that I have felt unrested many days. After talking to my therapist today, she gently told me that she's seeing some signs of depression. I guess it is the physical manifestation of my dreams and my brain trying to work through this trauma. I also spent a good amount of time with her talking about trying again. It's like I know logically there are no guarantees ever and also that my baby's diagnosis was random and has a low chance of recurring. I just feel really scared. I know i have to try to achieve what I long for in having a family. But I dread knowing how hard it will be on me. I wish I could be blissfully ignorant again of all the things that could go wrong. I am trying to decide between continuing forward with egg retrieval on my next cycle coming up, or giving myself a couple more months considering how sad i still feel. I just don't know how I'm supposed to ever be ready for this even though i do want it. I'm not sure what to do or what is right for me.