u/lolno-

I’m not sure what’s going on with me and I’m honestly getting scared and exhausted from dealing with this for months, so I wanted to see if anyone else has experienced something similar.

After having a serious panic attack in July, I’ve been having waves of anxiety along with derealization and this really uncomfortable “alien in my own body” feeling. Some days I feel almost normal, especially when I stay busy or distracted, but as soon as I have quiet time to think, my brain immediately starts checking how I feel and asking things like “do I feel normal yet?” or “what if I’m stuck like this forever?”

It feels like my mind is constantly monitoring itself. I catch myself mentally checking my thoughts, my awareness, and whether things feel real. I also keep looking things up for reassurance (like Reddit), which helps temporarily but then the fear comes back again.

Recently my anxiety has started to feel very existential, like I’m overly aware of my own thoughts and consciousness all the time, and it’s really unsettling. I can’t stop thinking about death and reality and what it all means. I have a major fear of going crazy which ebbs and flows. I also get nocturnal panic attacks sometimes, which makes everything feel worse because I wake up already anxious.

I’m currently taking Buspar 15 mg twice a day but it doesn’t seem to be helping much with these symptoms.

Another hard part is that I feel a constant sense of doom and gloom in the background, like something is wrong or I’m never going to feel like myself again. I’m in therapy but I still feel stuck and don’t know how to “rewire” my brain or stop thinking about this all the time.

The hardest part is how inconsistent it is. Some days I’m mostly okay with just a little background anxiety, and other days I feel panicked and disconnected from myself all day. The derealization coming back recently has been especially scary. I’m still functioning (working and school) but my quality of life feels lower because I’m thinking about this constantly.

What confuses me is that I can feel normal when I’m occupied, which makes me wonder if this is anxiety, OCD-type rumination, or something else entirely. I’ve gotten health screening done and my vitamin levels/heart is normal and I don’t have family history of mental illness.

Has anyone experienced something like this where your brain keeps checking whether you feel normal? Did it get better for you and how? I mostly just want to know if this passes because right now it feels endless and like I’m living in hell.

I’m not sure what’s going on with me and I’m honestly getting scared and exhausted from dealing with this for months, so I wanted to see if anyone else has experienced something similar.

After having a serious panic attack in July, I’ve been having waves of anxiety along with derealization and this really uncomfortable “alien in my own body” feeling. Some days I feel almost normal, especially when I stay busy or distracted, but as soon as I have quiet time to think, my brain immediately starts checking how I feel and asking things like “do I feel normal yet?” or “what if I’m stuck like this forever?”

It feels like my mind is constantly monitoring itself. I catch myself mentally checking my thoughts, my awareness, and whether things feel real. I also keep looking things up for reassurance (like Reddit), which helps temporarily but then the fear comes back again.

Recently my anxiety has started to feel very existential, like I’m overly aware of my own thoughts and consciousness all the time, and it’s really unsettling. I can’t stop thinking about death and reality and what it all means. I have a major fear of going crazy which ebbs and flows. I also get nocturnal panic attacks sometimes, which makes everything feel worse because I wake up already anxious.

I’m currently taking Buspar 15 mg twice a day but it doesn’t seem to be helping much with these symptoms.

Another hard part is that I feel a constant sense of doom and gloom in the background, like something is wrong or I’m never going to feel like myself again. I’m in therapy but I still feel stuck and don’t know how to “rewire” my brain or stop thinking about this all the time.

The hardest part is how inconsistent it is. Some days I’m mostly okay with just a little background anxiety, and other days I feel panicked and disconnected from myself all day. The derealization coming back recently has been especially scary. I’m still functioning (working and school) but my quality of life feels lower because I’m thinking about this constantly.

What confuses me is that I can feel normal when I’m occupied, which makes me wonder if this is anxiety, OCD-type rumination, or something else entirely. I’ve gotten health screening done and my vitamin levels/heart is normal and I don’t have family history of mental illness.

Has anyone experienced something like this where your brain keeps checking whether you feel normal? Did it get better for you? I mostly just want to know if this passes because right now it feels endless and like I’m living in hell.