i might be stupid (a very long tale of idiocy)
>finally accepted i'm trans at age 20 after years of going back and forth and repping
>came out to friends/professors/uni ppl etc.
>academic pressure got too much, had depression-induced breakdown, had to take a year out and go back home
>was deeply miserable and dysphoric all the time, tried to guymode but was a pre-t gigapoon so it didn't do anything
>depression got too much, came out to parents in the hope that they'd take pity on me and help me go on hrt (still depend on them financially...)
>they were horrifically transphobic, spent the next few months making my life hell, would routinely scream at me and claim i ruined their lives
>tried to change their mind, had conversations/sent them articles etc. it only made things worse, they claimed i was being groomed by the internet/trans support orgs/my friends etc.
>found out about diy in the meantime, was too scared to try at home
>eventually stopped defending myself or bringing up anything trans-related
>went back to uni, started testosterone (at 21), realised i have to keep my parents from finding out (they insist on videocalling me and will go crazy if i say no, so plenty of opportunities for them to notice)
>started girlmoding to evade suspicion + bc it felt less disgusting than looking like a gigapooner or ugly butch
>still out to everyone tho, so now i get he/himmed and called by a male name while looking like a whole ass woman
>still deathly afraid of my parents noticing, so i keep up the girlmode......
>it's so over for me
TLDR: pooner socially transitions pre-t, comes out to everyone, is met with the full force of his deranged parents' wrath, goes on t a year later + starts girlmoding so parents won't notice, now somehow simultaneously hrtrepping in girlmode while out as ftm