https://preview.redd.it/p7yudy0emjwg1.jpg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5f8081e456acdbd737b424172cf0ab4c828b9b35

Welcome to the discussion posts for EPISODES 23-24!

🚨⚠️ Please apply spoiler tags for any content beyond EPISODE 24. ⚠️🚨

The discussions will be released at a more relaxed pace - approximately every two days or so. Thank you for your understanding!

Useful links:

Masterpost | Airing schedule | Timeline (comment)

Episodes 1-2 | Episodes 3-4 | Episodes 5-6 | Episodes 7-8 | Episodes 9-10 | Episodes 11-12 | Episodes 13-14 | Episodes 15-16 | Episodes 17-18 | Episodes 19-20 | Episodes 21-22

Episode 23: Love Me Until the Fan Stops Spinning

RXM’s roommates talk about how the “scholarship” is really financial aid for needy students, and about her unfortunate family situation. She walks away sadly.

She crosses paths with LXR while heading to the Student Affairs Office. She tells him that she intends to refuse the scholarship so that it can be given to students in greater need. LXR offers her a job - his professor ZHUANG needs someone to help organise study materials. RXM gleefully accepts the opportunity because it brings her in contact with the professor and his grad students.

Love the difference in their gifts - HYQ's is possibly secondhand, or at the very least, he's definitely opened it to QC and make sure he's got his money's worth

Later on, she heads over to HYQ’s room, where he’s making instant noodles in his rice cooker. They have gifts for each other - the same item, a phone. HYQ protests that she should have saved her money instead of buying him a phone. She gets upset that he’s being ungrateful and refusing the gift, and asks why he bought her something when he’s refusing to accept her gift. She asks him to be frank with her, but he chooses to pacify her instead. Her voiceover tells her that HYQ felt that from that day on, he became her burden.

https://preview.redd.it/pwwc5fsrmjwg1.png?width=1183&format=png&auto=webp&s=04f5f889264053388bd553292ccaa8c84b3a7c2f

In the present, LXR’s lawyer says that LXR has re-categorised the tea set as a gift, so RXM can keep it. RXM laughs at him. Her voiceover narrates that some souvenirs filled with affection and sentiment become worthless a few years later, while some meaningless items gain sentiment years later.

HYQ has so much potential, but somehow he's just landed on the wrong path and no one has recognised it and fought for him the way Ms. Zhou fought for RXM

Back in 2008, RXM studies in front of the antique fan. She rambles praise for LXR and how he helped her secure the single spot in a prestigious project. HYQ isn’t paying attention to her, because he’s busy working out a business proposal (which he jokingly says is a “love letter” to his new team leader lol). RXM listens to the proposal, which is to build a mobile sausage grill. HYQ estimates that he will be able to multiply his earnings by selling grilled sausages after work. This feels like Déjà vu - RXM remarks that this is exactly like listening to her mother LOL. Hashtag girl math? RXM jealously asks about the colleague, and HYQ reveals that it’s a man. His jokes dispel her anger, and she drags him to share the study table with her. She jokes that she will have to serve him well now, so that he will get rich and buy her a big house with a big pool and a big jet LOL.

HYQ lovingly puts together his mobile grill, while his voiceover narrates all the things he hopes to buy for RXM in the future.

We then cut to the present, as LXR and RXM return home after the assets division meeting. RXM asks if he’s satisfied, and he says that it’s merely procedure and not a guarantee that they’re divorcing. RXM returns to her room and shuts the door on him, as he asks if she’s forgotten the promise they made when they got married. He smiles triumphantly at her closed door and goes back to his own room.

Back in 2008, HYQ and RXM share the single fan. She wonders if it’s some kind of magical deity, since it’s been spinning for 100 years without breaking. HYQ remarks that 100 years is nothing. (The WeTV translation is a little wrong here - see this Reddit post on the different types of Chinese spiritual entities - RXM describes the fan as 神仙 shenxian while HYQ uses 妖精 yaojing.) This makes RXM ask if they can be together for 100 years, and he says she should think if they can even live that long LOL.

RXM wonders if there’s such a thing as true love. He asks her to define true love - she says it has to be “everlasting” (地久天长 - same name as the guo bao rou eatery). At this moment, the fan stops spinning. They use the time-honoured method of whacking it until it restarts.

RXM asks if he dares to make a bet on the fan - to love her as long as it keeps spinning. HYQ thinks he finally understands that this entire conversation is a roundabout way for her to hint that he should keep the fan running on hot days, and he promises to learn to fix fans. This misunderstanding annoys RXM and she accuses him of not loving her seriously. He wonders if there’s anyone who treats dating as seriously as a job, and asks who will pay the salary then. RXM gets pouty and upset. HYQ doesn’t understand why, but he assures her that he won’t let the fan stop running. This makes her smile, and they cuddle.

In the present, Yanzi has discovered that ZF changed his name after a car accident in 2008.

We flash back to 2008, as ZF and BS eat a meal on the go. He tells her to stay in the guesthouse, because he’s running a job to Qidaohezi. She makes him promise not to drive at night or drive when he’s tired, and asks him to stay safe. She also gifts him a bracelet. In return, he asks her not to go out at night.

Later, he’s parked at a flour wholesaler when a pair of shoes approach. This turns out to be GWJ, who has been waiting for him. She asks if he and BS are tired from their tumultuous journey. He tells her that they’re doing fine, and that he’s made BS laugh on the road. GWJ gives him her approval (ZF hastily says that they’re just friends), BUT she has a condition - she wants him to bring BS back. She sweetens the deal with the promise of a job offer.

They're doomed, because he shows her respect when he shouldn't (although social structures dictate that he should), which puts her in a position of power over him and by extension BS

ZF loyally says that BS doesn’t want to come back, and promises to take good care of her. This triggers GWJ, who asks how he has the right to take care of her. ZF tells her that as long as he’s around, he won’t let her lock BS up again. GWJ leaves, clearly shattered by his refusal.

ZF’s exit is interrupted by a person with a black umbrella. It’s GWJ, who has brought a plastic bag containing BS’s favourite snacks. She tells him that it’s OK not to bring BS back, and asks him to take care of her. ZF tells her that BS is now his only family in the world, and she’s more important to him than his life. He (VERY STUPIDLY) asks GWJ for her number, so that GWJ can contact him if she wants to know how BS is doing. He promises that they will visit her in a few years, if BS is ready to come back. GWJ agrees, and instructs him to leave the bags open so that the snacks don’t spoil.

Later, we see ZF nodding off while driving at night. A car coming from the opposing direction swerves into his lane while overtaking. He isn’t able to stop in time, and they crash.

BS desperately runs to the nurse station to find out where ZF is warded. She finds GWJ there - GWJ tells her that she transferred ZF to this hospital, and that he’s just had surgery and is out of danger.

The camera pans past ZF’s hand, which is holding the bracelet. BS asks how GWJ knew of the car crash. GWJ tells her that ZF came to see her and they exchanged numbers, so the traffic police called her. She narrates a twisted version of ZF’s words to BS. BS refuses to believe her, intending to ask ZF when he awakens. At this moment, the traffic police tell them that the driver of the other car didn’t make it, and instruct that ZF not be allowed to leave the hospital. BS glares at her mother.

Meanwhile, HYQ has brought RXM to watch a fireworks display - he’s found out from a colleague that a nearby fireworks factory will be testing their fireworks, some of which are also used in the Beijing Olympics.

Like fireworks - beautiful but ephemeral :(

ZF awakens to find GWJ waiting at his bedside. She tells him that his leg injury is serious. ZF dismissively says that it’s just a limp, and he’s lucky to have survived a head-on crash alive. GWJ tells him that the other driver is dead, and coolly talks about his liability. The deceased’s family want a million RMB, but his company didn’t purchase insurance. She asks him if he has the money to pay, and remarks that BS will definitely try to help him pay back the money. ZF falls for her trap and says he will absolutely not let BS help out with this situation. GWJ adds fuel to the fire, asking if he’s sure that BS will be able to sit by and not do anything. ZF screams in helpless frustration. She promises to help him think of a way - as long as he leaves, she will handle the rest for him.

https://preview.redd.it/onmz9j6dqjwg1.png?width=1185&format=png&auto=webp&s=37f955ca5a16ca40744702b6ab6aa02d62f1d60f

She admits that she’s not doing this for him, but for BS - she doesn’t want her to live a hard life later on. GWJ reminds him that he’s jobless and crippled, but she has the means to pay off his compensation AND promises to let BS be free. ZF contemplates the bracelet that BS gave him.

Back in Qingzhou, HYQ excitedly exclaims that the Morning Star is out, but RXM is fast asleep. He receives a call from ZF, who tells him that he’s killed someone in a crash and that he’s going incommunicado. RXM awakens then, and HYQ pretends that he was just dreaming. He tells her that his leg is numb so that he can lag behind to call ZF back. However, ZF's phone is already switched off.

In the present, we find out that ZF didn't need to face criminal charges (??? the flashback shows that he was visibly fatigued but the official report says otherwise?? How far is GWJ able to reach???) but vanished after the incident.

LM and Huang Yue seek out BS, who has no idea why he left (if he was forced to) or where he went. LM wonders if she tried to contact ZF, but BS's perspective is that he abandoned her despite the rapport they'd built. GWJ realised that the best way to keep BS around was to give her some slack on the leash, so she finally permitted BS to move out. BS narrates that she picked the cemetery because she was tired and choosing to abandon herself, planning to live and die there. We watch her unpack a photo of her and RXM as middle school students, and the gifted winter gloves.

https://preview.redd.it/t3l7hfjrqjwg1.png?width=1186&format=png&auto=webp&s=8d641f38d951bfcffdc17bff298d5a851d0c8e8e

This slow death was disrupted by Wang Hao coming to look for her in the summer of 2010. BS refuses to shed more light on this incident, telling LM that she will find the truth if she finds the diary.

We cut to BS tucking Xiao Yu in bed (guess she lives in the fish tank now). Downstairs, GWJ is drunk and asleep on the sofa. BS spots GWJ's phone face down on the floor.

An ironic name - 志 zhi4 means \"aspiration, will, ambition\" and 强 qiang2 means \"strength, power\" - together, it becomes a name which indicates (or hopes towards) a robustness of character, possession of tenacity or perseverance towards high-minded goals

She quietly steals the phone and sends a message to all of GWJ's contacts - it contains a link to the local news website, about the truth emerging in the Qidian Middle School case. One particular contact, HUANG ZHI QIANG responds suspiciously. BS replies "Come back quickly". She then saves this contact number on her own phone, before deleting the original mass message and replacing the phone on the floor.

https://preview.redd.it/mnohyaxrsjwg1.png?width=1186&format=png&auto=webp&s=2e882fe21f81d19512339c92357df86d23b9e124

GWJ receives an unexpected same-day delivery. It contains a copy of LXR's novel "Breathe", and the title page is covered in messy scrawls reading "I'm back" in red ink. This phrase is also recited to us in a creepy man's voice. At this moment, GWJ receives a call from "Huang Zhi Qiang", who tells her that he's back and that he needs a place with Internet access.

拆 chai - meaning \"to demolish\" - this building is intended for demolition soon

We cut to a man with a limp, following behind a masked figure pulling a trolley. They enter a unit in a dilapidated tenement. The man turns out to be an unkempt-looking ZF, and the masked person GWJ in disguise. GWJ instructs him to stay put and wait for her instructions.

ZF asks about BS, and GWJ tells him about Xiao Yu (conveniently omitting the fact of the girl's adoption, leading ZF to think that Xiao Yu is BS's biological child). She warns ZF not to look for BS. We find out that the trolley is full of things she bought per his request, and she also gives him a few hundred RMB cash.

RXM and LY drive to their hearing (in a very obviously fake car scene lol). LY insists on another rehearsal of possible cross-examination questions. RXM answers flippantly, and LY warns her that the court will want to know if a third party really exists.

RXM's smile drops as she reflects that she never acknowledged HYQ's existence from the beginning. We cut to 2008, as LXR presides over a group of students in the fancy egg café. RXM sits at the far end of the group. She reflects that she never introduced HYQ to anyone from her university even though he'd been in Qingzhou for months - not because he didn't belong, but because she felt like an onlooker herself.

We cut to RXM walking back to her dorm with her roommates. They try to convince her to go to the night market with them, but she says she's got something on. One of the girls asks if she's seeing someone, and RXM laughingly denies it.

Episode 24: Spring Breeze Brushes Your Face

The girls tell her that they've seen "you all", and RXM replies that he came to see "us". She tells them that she was the one who wanted to keep it quiet, because she was too embarrassed to tell people. We find out that everyone thinks she's dating LXR... RXM denies it, but the girls are initially convinced that she's lying. However, RXM restates that her boyfriend is from her hometown, and they rejoice that she's finally seeing someone.

We cut to them walking through the night market, armed with snacks. Her roommates interrogate her about her boyfriend, and RXM gives them evasive and occasionally false answers. HYQ happens to be there selling grilled sausages, and she deliberately steers the girls away. He wants to hand them some sausages gratis but can only watch her walk away.

https://preview.redd.it/b1nhx1sw4kwg1.png?width=1188&format=png&auto=webp&s=72a1ac61faac457285cd8603259270f32ad84d52

In the present, RXM doesn't give an answer when LY asks how she will respond to the court's questioning about the "third party". They arrive at court, where a swarm of reporters descend on RXM. They want to know about a video posted online - clips from one of the toy soldier surveillance cameras depicting RXM acting erratically in their living room.

RXM screams that she's not crazy. She spots LXR, who has also just arrived, and charges towards him, demanding to know if he was the one who posted the video. Their lawyers separate them, and RXM collapses to the ground in hysterics while the reporters gleefully record the entire scene.

LY watches outside a "Counselling Room" as RXM undergoes an assessment. The camera briefly focuses on RXM worrying at her fingers. We find out that that RXM once saw a psychologist in the US for depression. She draws a picture of a house, surrounded by many floating eyeballs.

https://preview.redd.it/1ty9rmlb5kwg1.png?width=1188&format=png&auto=webp&s=ffd6e20cfe8a45c4e432852c169ec95c63bd41f6

The assessor observes that her self-report evaluation is abnormally normal, while the drawing indicates elevated signs of psychosis - RXM appears to be concealing something. He concludes that she is either a seasoned psychologist, or a patient in the middle of an episode. He recommends that RXM be warded for further observation and treatment.

LY knocks on LXR's car door. She demands to know if he falsified her psychiatric records from the US. LXR defends himself, saying that RXM was indeed psychologically disturbed when they first landed - having nightmares and bouts of crying. LY also questions him about the video, and he says that he compiled it as evidence for the trial. He argues that he wouldn't have posted it online, because it would be self-defeating to ruin his public image.

LY frustratedly asks why RXM would post it online, and LXR theorises that it's her public revenge for him tricking her during the copyright case. She tells him that she will only believe things that RXM personally tells her. He retorts that RXM is perfectly capable of lying to her - such as hiding the most crucial evidence from her during the copyright case. LY is alarmed, but he refuses to elaborate more, hiding behind their professional distance as opposing sides. As LY storms off, we watch him struggle with his seatbelt lol.

LM helpfully breaks down RXM's goals for starting the two lawsuits - to deny the existence of the diary, as well as to publicise her family history of mental illness. We watch RXM enter a hospital ward.

Yanzi theorises that if RXM is indeed the murderer, the family history may help her get off the hook. The other officer mentions RXM's recent big-ticket purchases, leading Huang Yue to conclude that RXM is indeed the murderer. However, Yanzi points out that they have to prove that RXM was in Qidaohezi in 2010, as well as the identity of the deceased.

I really liked the symmetry of these consecutive shots. No idea if it means anything, but it's nice to look at.

RMY welcomes BS to their apartment. She points out that the TV is new, but nothing else has changed. BS reminisces that travelling to the apartment felt like travelling back through time. RMY tells her that most of the old neighbours have moved out, leaving the apartments for rent. RXM wanted her to move to Qingzhou, but she wanted to stay there.

She has a bout of pain, but lies that it's just a small issue of throat inflammation. She tells BS that she will always have a home in the apartment, although she laments that none of them seem to want to come home. BS apologises, but RMY reassures her that it's just a part of growing up - eventually, when they've grown up, they will want to come home.

RMY brings up the grudge between her and RXM - HYQ. We flash back to 2008, as HYQ fixes up his sausage grill.

RXM attempts to tutor, but winds up being distracted by her tutee's mother making braised pork. They gift her a small container, and she gleefully eats it on the way home. However, she winds up having a stomachache, and staggers her way to the emergency department. She calls HYQ, but he's busy loading boxes and the company has separated him from his phone.

RXM collapses on the bench. She receives a call from RMY at that moment. She starts sobbing on the phone, before passing out.

https://preview.redd.it/owt6858x6kwg1.png?width=1185&format=png&auto=webp&s=c389be5be0f3bcd6232158cbf881ba918d0a6fb2

HYQ comes to visit her in the hospital, frantically explaining why he missed her calls. RXM takes advantage of his panic and guilt to boss him around a little bit in revenge. He has brought her some spicy pepper beef, which she was saving up - unfortunately, RMY catches them at this exact moment and chews him out for feeding her something spicy when RXM is suffering from a bowel obstruction. The two of them guiltily watch a frazzled RMY unload a bag full of groceries for making porridge.

https://preview.redd.it/1ueiyec97kwg1.png?width=1190&format=png&auto=webp&s=84625f3f6934ea0a93645a8eff2a259b3609a34e

RMY tearfully vents her worry on RXM. HYQ attempts to intervene, and RMY hisses that it's all his fault - his move to Qingzhou dragged her daughter down to such a state.

I love that this single action - the pot rattling on the makeshift table - highlights how ramshackle and not-put-together their life is

HYQ brings them both to his semi-basement unit, where RMY sees the state of his life for the first time. She gazes at the bookshelf/table for a while, then leaves silently. RXM chases after her, but RMY refuses to engage, and RXM retreats to curl up miserably on the bed. HYQ is left standing helplessly at the foot of the stairs.

RXM paces around the school track as RMY refuses to answer her calls after that - to the extent of powering off her phone. Her voiceover muses that explicitly forbidden relationships taste sweet, but things change when no one pays attention any longer.

We cut to HYQ staggering home and collapsing tiredly on the bed. RXM comes to the room shortly afterwards and they quarrel about not taking out the trash. He promises to do so, but she just does it out herself.

We then cut to him snoring in a crumpled heap as she studies at the table. RXM is stressed about studying for an exam the next day, and unreasonably takes this out on him. HYQ ends up leaving the room wordlessly in just an undershirt.

HYQ returns home another day to find RXM packing up her clothes. She grumpily tells him that the room doesn't get enough sun, so her thicker autumn clothes are starting to smell mouldy. He agrees that she should go back to the dorm because it's better there, and helps her fold her clothes.

RXM and her roommates celebrate the end of exams with beer and hotpot in their dorm room. One roommate tells RXM that she understands why RMY won't answer her calls - it's because she and her boyfriend are headed down different paths in life, and there's a gap between their lives. She points out that HYQ has had to restart entirely in Qingzhou, with no connections or foundation - his life there is just for RXM's sake. The roommates look around uncomfortably while RXM contemplates this.

Perfect metaphor for the progression of their relationship

We cut to RXM and HYQ arriving at the Qidaohezi railway station, lugging a flat-screen TV in its box. HYQ cheerily asks if she's still upset that he quit his job. He tells her that his first priority is still to accompany her, not to earn money.

Unfortunately, this is the kiss of death for their relationship. RXM tries to convince him to stay in Qidaohezi, with their family and friends, while she wants to go further afield. He's confident that while he may not be able to catch up to her, he can build a home and wait for her to come back, since she always misses home. RXM implies that her aspirations outweigh her nostalgia for home, and she tearfully tells him not to follow her. HYQ watches her stagger away with the TV - we also see that RXM is doing this in tears.

She brings the TV home, to great admiration from her neighbours. She yells for RXF to open the door, but RMY refuses to let her in. She threatens RXF with his sister's education, but RXF attempts to break down the window with a chair.

Empty chairs at empty tables :(

RXF and RMY wrestle for control, while she tearfully screams that she doesn't want her daughter to follow her path. RMY tells her to break up with HYQ, or she'll never be able to set foot in that house again. RXM sadly leaves the TV by the door, and leaves the apartment building.

In the present, RMY wonders if she did the right thing back then. She sighs that there are too many regrets in this life. "If only I'd known..." but she observes that people are often defeated by the idea that "if only they'd known". BS says that even if they had known, it might not have been the right choice. It only seems better because they have no way of verifying which choice would have worked out better.

RMY tells her that she intends to visit RXM in Qingzhou, and asks BS to take care of RXF in her absence. She sighs, saying that she originally thought RXM would have been the last person to have a mental illness because she would be too selfish to take on such hardship. Now, she thinks that RXM is probably very hard on herself too, and sees how much RXM cares for them. She finally praises RXM, and blames herself for not being able to provide a stable home environment. BS holds her hand in comfort.

In the hospital ward, RXM chills on her bed and stares out the window. RMY gingerly approaches her bedside.

https://preview.redd.it/injwfq689kwg1.png?width=1188&format=png&auto=webp&s=d38ab811585fd5bbceeaefd0d07bc7c9c923b5e1

Thoughts

ZF and GWJ have such an interesting balance of power. GWJ starts out as the one who holds all the power, being a parent and an elder. ZF takes some of that power by being "in possession" of BS, but he still shows her respect - unfortunately, that is precisely the social currency that GWJ trades in, which is how she is able to manoeuvre him into a losing position.

I wonder what has happened between 2008 and now? ZF appears to have gained some kind of leverage on GWJ, enough to make her stressed out by his unexpected return + do his bidding (kind of? the bare minimum? she still stashes him in a condemned building though, where no one will think to find him). I wonder if ZF knows about the diary as the foundation for LXR's book, or did he merely recognise his experiences in it? Why would he send a graffitied copy to GWJ?

The adult casting is such a weird thing in this show. Child ZF was an age-appropriate casting (apparently born 2010 - same year as child RXM and a year after child HYQ), but adult ZF's actor is 43 this year, and he visibly looks it. There's nothing wrong with that except that the character is supposedly early 20s in 2008, and I'm finding it hard to suspend disbelief and pretend that he's just a particularly rugged, barely-adult 20-something.

My heart breaks for RMY - all she wanted to do is to keep her daughter safe so that she can flourish and be successful, but her agitated (over)reaction ends up driving a wedge between her and RXM. She's been carrying this guilt for 15 years! No wonder their relationship has become so tense and secretive in the present.